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Hi! I need some advice on how to handle my shame after losing my first fight. So, the fight was yesterday. I’ve had the date to work towards maybe six or seven weeks and I’ve trained like a freakin’ mothereffer. I’ve sparred at least four days a week with a lot of hard sparring with guys much better and bigger. My gym is quite big with several pros and national champs so I’ve really had the best possible chance to get good at this. Or at least good enough for a first fight. Leading up the fight I’ve been reading up on mental training and Sylvie and Kevin’s discussions on shame and fear and all of that. I haven’t been afraid and I’m tough physically. I’m tall and heavy and the guys go pretty hard at me so I’m pretty conditioned like that. The nerves have been manageable, every other day wondering if I’ve lost my mind for doing this and the next feeling like yeay this will be fun!! The goal was to breath have fun (and then of course win). Not to stand there with the shame. Anyhow, the bell rang and I leaved the room. Not really, my body was still in the ring and the other woman was punching and kicking and kneeing but I heard nothing and felt nothing. I vaguely heard kick and I kicked. Like in slow motion and without power. I so totally lost control of myself and my body and the whole situation. None of the sparring, NONE, has been anything near this experience. The closest situation I’ve been in where I’ve so totally lost control of my body was delivering my two children. But by the end of that I had a baby in my arms. And I did not have an audience seeing me lose my head. I picked up in the third and final round with a fuck it attitude since I’d already lost but it wasn’t enough. She didn’t totally dominate me. I’m not at all bruised today apart from my shins from kicking. Today I’m just leaved with such shame! I’m so ashamed. Not really for losing the fight but for not being in control of myself and the situation in front of all those people. I’m used to being super in control of things and myself and I can’t see how one ever could do anything rational or conscious in the state I was in. The fight was filmed but I can’t bare to watch it. Sorry about the essay. What are your experiences of your first fights and adrenaline rushes and losing your head? Thank you!

As everyone returning to the forum will see we've done a complete redesign of the forum (as well as of 8limbs.us). 8limbs.us has become 8limbsus.com (which will give it more reach out there in the netherworld. And the changes made to the forum are of super-high quality. The forum is now equipped with the latest software, and is very supportive of conversation and community. That being said it's sure to have a few bugs as we go forward in the next month, so please do post any anomalies, confusions or deadends that you run into, just so we can make it better for others. I'll post a list of upgraded features, but one of the better ones is that if you go to your profile you can add your Facebook account which will allow Facebook Login, just signing in with click. That's pretty good, I'm already using it. I have to say that this complete level-up could only be accomplished through the support of our patrons. If you are not yet a patron and appreciate this space and community you can easily become one here: Patreon - Sylvie. Even a $1 a month helps with the new costs of the forum, and gives you access to some incredible exclusive content the likes of which you cannot find anywhere else!

Silapathai was one of the great kicking fighters ever. You should watch his kick battle with Karuhat where he simply out kicks the wizard of style. We asked Karuhat "why did you just keep kicking with him?" and said "What else was I going to do?!" He teaches at the old Jockygym (now Skarbowsky Gym) in Bangkok, which brought up Saenchai, Lerdzila, etc. He's amazing. I maybe would only suggest the gym if you plan of taking several privates with him, just to get the focus right. Here is a segment of Sylvie's Patreon session with him: Kem's gym is more of an all-around technical gym. Not specializing in kicks, but certainly teaches beautiful styling, including kicking.

Lisa... this never goes away. It changes, like you have only a moment of shame, or glimpses of shame, or rounds of shame, or you feel it like an echo... but it never fully goes away. And there are times you don't have it, when fights go great and you feel awesome, and then it appears again and your thoughts are "what the f***, I thought I was over this." It's okay. Firstly, the fact that you fought yesterday and are already trying to get over your shame is a really good sign. The thoughts and emotions are still fresh, so it's a bit raw feeling, but lots of folks try to hold on to those shitty feelings for a long, long time because they feel like they SHOULD be ashamed, even when it's time to let those feelings go. It's good to feel them for a short time, I think. They have meaning. But the feelings and the fight are not necessarily a 1+1 equation. Consider this: when you're sparring in your gym, you know everybody. You know the space. You know that you're training, even really hard sparring has a slightly different intention and emotion to it. "Doing well," or whatever you tell yourself in training is under conditions that are not as similar to a fight as we think they are. We think creating the physical conditions, like getting hit a lot, will prepare us. But the emotional unknowns are a big deal. It's incredibly hard to recreate those in familiar spaces. So the fact that you blanked in your fight is not unusual at all. The way I see it, if you hadn't put in the work and then blanked in the fight, that's shameful. Folks who don't put in the work, that's a shame. But you get to keep all the hard work you put in in the gym beforehand. Losing a fight doesn't change any of that. Kevin and I call it "shitting the bed," when a fight just goes totally the wrong direction from what you know you're capable of. If you wake up and you've shit the bed, you're embarrassed and ashamed, don't want anyone to see it are afraid they will, etc. But it doesn't mean you don't know how to control yourself. It means the conditions for that situation to take place were all in line. There's nothing wrong with you to have performed the way you did. There's nothing wrong with you to feel the way you do. But don't hold either of those as permanent states. Just wash the sheets and move on.

A good thing to work on, stylistically, is that when punches start coming: throw a spear knee, or throw a mid-kick under them. Eventually building awareness of where the "open side" is (where the belly button is pointing toward. It's common to think about trying to counter and defend up top when attacked up top, but knees (or if you like longer distances, kicks) are very high scoring in Muay Thai, and are natural counters to punching combinations. Punches extend and open the body.

All of the above seems right. There's no single response that's "correct," it's about adapting. Everyone has patterns. Everyone. So if you put your guard up and wait out the first punch or two, you'll have an opening. If you lean back, make sure you then counter. Play with it.

[Kickboxing] - Silvia La Notte vs. Amy Pirnie - 50kg - (Enfusion 80: Rome) - (2019.03.23)

If you are able, you might find Chatchai Sasakul.He has a gym in Bangkok. He was a champion in both and teaches some very helpful concepts with weight transfer. Sylvie has a few posts involving him as she's trained with him a bit. http://boxrec.com/en/boxer/4088

MTGP21: Iman Barlow vs Hannah Brady