Jump to content

Coach blind spot/men your perspective is welcome.


Recommended Posts

Honestly this is just a bitch session.  I have two gyms, one of them no one on this forum would know, so I feel safe griping (it’s a different martial art).  The most advanced current student is throwing herself at the instructor, madly, irritatingly, obsessively.  (Both married).  I have no idea what is happening between them, likely nothing, but he’s just given her a huge amount of responsibility to run the school while he is away this week.   I’m going full time to my other gym & training myself instead.  This is not out of moral outrage; I’m no angel.  It’s because in the course of sucking up his attention she routinely, compulsively throws other people under the bus which he seems to find appealing & funny.  She’s also an impatient & selfish partner with zero teaching skills.  I have so much respect for this instructor, but I’m losing it now.   Men, can you not see this typically female behavior?  Is this a real blind spot?  For myself, I’ll just train til I’m as good as her then make her pay #motivation lol.

  • Like 2
  • Heart 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

One guess is he likes it. It makes him feel good.  (Her throwing herself at him)

 

I find myself turned off and disgusted by her always throwing people under the bus  and him being amused.  Yuck. If you feel good about yourself you don’t need to do that. Plus martial arts is supposed to be focused on respect but ... 🙄

I like your attitude about just training harder! 😊

 

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 11/3/2019 at 8:05 PM, threeoaks said:

She’s also an impatient & selfish partner with zero teaching skills.  I have so much respect for this instructor, but I’m losing it now.   Men, can you not see this typically female behavior?  Is this a real blind spot?  For myself, I’ll just train til I’m as good as her then make her pay #motivation lol.

It's interesting you call this "typically female behavior" but accepting the ego stroke by your coach isn't similarly called "typically male behavior." I'd call it that.

Sorry you're dealing with an annoying situation and dynamic. Smart to just get away form it but shitty that you have to miss training due to it. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 11/3/2019 at 8:05 PM, threeoaks said:

Honestly this is just a bitch session.  I have two gyms, one of them no one on this forum would know, so I feel safe griping (it’s a different martial art).  The most advanced current student is throwing herself at the instructor, madly, irritatingly, obsessively.  (Both married).  I have no idea what is happening between them, likely nothing, but he’s just given her a huge amount of responsibility to run the school while he is away this week.   I’m going full time to my other gym & training myself instead.  This is not out of moral outrage; I’m no angel.  It’s because in the course of sucking up his attention she routinely, compulsively throws other people under the bus which he seems to find appealing & funny.  She’s also an impatient & selfish partner with zero teaching skills.  I have so much respect for this instructor, but I’m losing it now.   Men, can you not see this typically female behavior?  Is this a real blind spot?  For myself, I’ll just train til I’m as good as her then make her pay #motivation lol.

There will always be assholes to avoid in a gym. No matter her behavior, it is the responsibility of the coach to manage this so it doesn't affect the class. Perhaps you can talk to other students to see if others feel the same and if yes, talk to the coach?

It is really annoying to see female peers using their looks or sexual power to get attention from the trainers. It feels like they're cheating or using short-cuts. And it affects every female student if teachers stop seeing them as students and instead as objects for their sexual desires and means to get some ego massage. 

But I can understand it. It's not easy being taken seriously and flirting is a handy strategy. Or taking the role of daughter/female protege or whatever.

But it's their choice and the responsibility of the coach to manage depending on his level of professionalism 

You will just waste precious energy and focus to get upset about her. 

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, LengLeng said:

It feels like they're cheating or using short-cuts.

Yeah true. Maybe though, karma will reward you and others more in the long run for not using that short cut. Different, but slightly similar issue - at least 3 current champions come to mind who have also talked about being more motivated to improve early on because a minority or even one person got all trainer attention and time.

Sucks though.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 11/6/2019 at 8:48 AM, Sylvie von Duuglas-Ittu said:

It's interesting you call this "typically female behavior" but accepting the ego stroke by your coach isn't similarly called "typically male behavior." I'd call it that.

 

Good point for sure!

its only typical behavior for a certain type of female. Definitely not typical of all females or even most. Just ‘some’

(I sort of suspect three oak may agree. But she was just pissed and spewing as she vent posted!) 

Yeah, all men aren’t like they either, luckily. 

 

 

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 11/6/2019 at 8:48 AM, Sylvie von Duuglas-Ittu said:

It's interesting you call this "typically female behavior" but accepting the ego stroke by your coach isn't similarly called "typically male behavior." I'd call it that.

Sorry you're dealing with an annoying situation and dynamic. Smart to just get away form it but shitty that you have to miss training due to it. 

So true about the typically male behaviour.  I guess I was trying to throw it open like, "do you even know you do this sh*t" but was too coy.  You are right.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 11/7/2019 at 12:37 PM, MadelineGrace said:

 

Good point for sure!

its only typical behavior for a certain type of female. Definitely not typical of all females or even most. Just ‘some’

(I sort of suspect three oak may agree. But she was just pissed and spewing as she vent posted!) 

Yeah, all men aren’t like they either, luckily. 

 

 

 

Yeah I was spewing.  Thanks for putting up with it.  I am loath to write "typically female behavior".  But I did.  That's what happens when I spew.  Thanks for understanding.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 11/7/2019 at 12:08 AM, LengLeng said:

 

You will just waste precious energy and focus to get upset about her. 

Absolutely.  I refocused but appreciated the chance to rant.  Won't probably do it again because I intend to detach and train.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 11/7/2019 at 10:07 AM, Oliver said:

at least 3 current champions come to mind who have also talked about being more motivated to improve early on because a minority or even one person got all trainer attention and time.

 

Best way to respond.  Thanks for the ideal.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 11/9/2019 at 7:51 AM, Oliver said:

So what ya gonna do?

Sugar in her gas tank would probably work, tried and tested method.

Then again, if her car doesn't start she might have to get a ride home from the trainer. Prob not what you want 

Going to be athletic about my eye rolling for both of them, coach and acolyte.  We’re talking not even a flash of iris showing, just completely white eyes 👊🏽

  • Like 1
  • hahaha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Most Recent Topics

  • Latest Comments

    • Some notes on the predividual (from Simondon), from a side conversation I've been having, specifically about how Philosophies of Immanence, because they tend to flatten causation, have lost the sense of debt or respect to that which has made you. One of the interesting questions in the ethical dimension, once we move away from representationalist thinking, is our relationship to causation.   In Spinoza there is a certain implicit reverence for that to which you are immanent to. That which gave "birth" to you and your individuation. The "crystal" would be reverent to the superstaturated solution and the germ (and I guess, the beaker). This is an ancient thought.   Once we introduce concepts of novelness, and its valorization, along with notions of various breaks and revolutions, this sense of reverence is diminished, if not outright eliminated. "I" (or whatever superject of what I am doing) am novel, I break from from that which I come from. Every "new" thing is a revolution, of a kind. No longer is a new thing an expression of its preindividual, in the ethical/moral sense.   Sometimes there are turns, like in DnG, where there is a sort of vitalism of a sacred. I'm not an expression of a particular preindividual, but rather an expression of Becoming..a becoming that is forever being held back by what has already become. And perhaps there is some value in this spiritualization. It's in Hegel for sure. But, what is missing, I believe, is the respect for one's actual preindividual, the very things that materially and historically made "you" (however qualified)...   I think this is where Spinoza's concept of immanent cause and its ethical traction is really interesting. Yes, he forever seems to be reaching beyond his moment in history into an Eternity, but because we are always coming out of something, expressing something, we have a certain debt to that. Concepts of revolution or valorized novelty really undercut this notion of debt, which is a very old human concept which probably has animated much of human culture.   And, you can see this notion of immanent debt in Ecological thought. It still is there.   The ecosystem is what gave birth to you, you have debt to it. Of course we have this sense with children and parents, echo'd there.   But...as Deleuze (and maybe Simondon?) flatten out causation, the crystal just comes out of metastable soup. It is standing there sui generis. It is forever in folds of becoming and assemblages, to be sure, but I think the sense of hierarchy and debt becomes obscured. We are "progressing" from the "primitive".   This may be a good thing, but I suspect that its not.   I do appreciate how you focus on that you cannot just presume the "individual", and that this points to the preindividual. Yes...but is there not a hierarchy of the preindividual that has been effaced, the loss of an ethos.   I think we get something of this in the notion of the mute and the dumb preindividual, which culminates in the human, thinking, speaking, acting individuation. A certain teleology that is somehow complicit, even in non-teleological pictures.   I think this all can boil down to one question: Do we have debt to what we come from?   ...and, if so, what is the nature of that debt?   I think Philosophies of Immanence kind of struggle with this question, because they have reframed.   ...and some of this is the Cult of the New. 3:01 PM Today at 4:56 AM   Hmmmm yeah. Important to be in the middle ground here I suspect. Enabled by the past, not determined by it. Of course inheritance is rather a big deal in evolutionary thought - the bequest of the lineage, as I often put it. This can be overdone, just as a sense of Progress in evolution can be overdone - sometimes we need to escape our past, sometimes we need to recover it, revere it, re-present it. As always, things must be nuanced, the middle ground must be occupied. 4:56 AM   Yes...but I think there is a sense of debt, or possibly reverence, that is missing. You can have a sense of debt or reverence and NOT be reactive, and bring change. Just as a Native American Indian can have reverence for a deer he kills, a debt. You can kill your past, what you have come from, what you are an expression of...but, in a deep way.   Instead "progress" is seen as breaking from, erasing, denying. Radical departure.   The very concept of "the new" holds this.   this sense of rupture.   And pictures of "Becoming" are often pictures of constant rupture.   new, new, new, new, new, new...   ...with obvious parallels in commodification, iterations of the iphone, etc.   In my view, this means that the debt to the preindividual should be substantive. And the art of creating individuation means the art of creating preindividuals. DnG get some of this with their concept of the BwOs.   They are creating a preindividual.   But the sense of debt is really missing from almost all Immanence Philosophy.   The preindividual becomes something like "soup" or intensities, or molecular bouncings.   Nothing really that you would have debt to. 12:54 PM   Fantasies of rupture and "new" are exactly what bring the shadow in its various avatars with you, unconsciously.     This lack of respect or debt to the preindividual also has vast consequences for some of Simondon's own imaginations. He pictures "trade" or "craft" knowledge as that of a childhood of a kind, and is quite good in this. And...he imagines that it can become synthesized with his abstracted "encyclopedic" knowledge (Hegel, again)...but this would only work, he adds, if the child is added back in...because the child (and childhood apprenticeships) were core to the original craft knowledge. But...you can't just "add children" to the new synthesis, because what made craft knowledge so deep and intense was the very predindividual that created it (the entire social matrix, of Smithing, or hunting, or shepherding)...if you have altered that social matrix, that "preindividual" for knowledge, you have radically altered what can even be known...even though you have supplemented with abstract encyclopedic knowledge. This is something that Muay Thai faces today. The "preindividual" has been lost, and no amount of abstraction, and no about of "teaching children" (without the original preindividual) will result in the same capacities. In short, there is no "progressive" escalation of knowledge. Now, not everything more many things are like a fighting art, Muay Thai...but, the absence of the respect and debt to preindividuality still shows itself across knowledge. There are trends of course trying to harness creativity, many of which amount to kind of trying to workshop preindividuality, horizontal buisness plan and build structures, ways of setting up desks or lounge chairs, its endless. But...you can't really "engineer" knowledge in this way...at least not in the way that you are intending to. The preindividual comes out of the culture in an organic way, when we are attending to the kinds of deeper knowledge efficacies we sometimes reach for.
    • "He who does not know how to read only sees the differences. For him who knows how to read, it all comes to the same thing, since the sentence is identical. Whoever has finished his apprenticeship recognizes things and events, everywhere and always, as vibrations of the same divine and infinitel sweet word. This does not mean that he will not suffer Pain is the color of certain events. When a man who can and a man who cannot read look at a sentence written in red ink, they both see the same red color, but this color is not so important for the one as for the other."   A beautiful analogy by Simone Weil (Waiting for God), which especially in the last sentence communicates how hard it is to discuss Muay Thai with those who don't know how to "read" its sentences. Yes, I see the effort. Yes, I see the power. Yes, I even see the "technique"...but this is like talking about the color of sentences written out at times.
    • from Reddit discussing shin pain and toughening of the shins: There are several factors, and people create theories on this based on pictures of Muay Thai, but honestly from my wife's direct experience they go some what numb and hard from lots of kicking bags and pads, and fighting (in Thailand some bags could get quite hard, almost cement like in places). Within a year in Thailand Sylvie was fighting every 10 or 12 days and it really was not a problem, seldom feeling much pain, especially if you treat them properly after damage, like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztzTmHfae-k and then more advanced, like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcWtd00U7oQ And they keep getting harder. After a few years or so Sylvie felt like she would win any shin clash in any fight, they just became incredible hard. In this video she is talking about 2 years in about how and why she thought her shins had gotten so hard: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFXCmZVXeGE she shows in the vid how her shins became kind of permanently serrated, with divots and dings. As she discusses only 2 years in (now she's 13 years of fighting in) very experienced Thais have incredibly hard shins, like iron. Yes, there are ideas about fighting hard or not, but that really isn't the determining factor from our experience with Sylvie coming up on 300 fights and being around a lot of old fighters. They just can get incredibly tough. The cycles of damage and repair just really change the shin (people in the internet like to talk about microfractures and whatnot). Over time Sylvie eventually didn't really need the heat treatment anymore after fights, now she seldom uses it. She's even has several times in the last couple of years split her skin open on checks without even feeling much contact. Just looked down and there was blood.  
  • The Latest From Open Topics Forum

    • Hi all, Does anyone know of any suppliers for blanks (Plain items to design and print a logo on) that are a good quality? Or put me in the right direction? thanks all  
    • The first fight between Poot Lorlek and Posai Sittiboonlert was recently uploaded to youtube. Posai is one of the earliest great Muay Khao fighters and influential to Dieselnoi, but there's very little footage of him. Poot is one of the GOATs and one of Posai's best wins, it's really cool to see how Posai's style looked against another elite fighter.
    • Yeah, this is certainly possible. Thanks! I just like the idea of a training camp pre-fight because of focus and getting more "locked in".. Do you know of any high level gyms in europe you would recommend? 
    • You could just pick a high-level gym in a European city, just live and train there for however long you want (a month?). Lots of gyms have morning and evening classes.
    • Hi, i have a general question concerning Muay-Thai training camps, are there any serious ones in Europe at all? I know there are some for kickboxing in the Netherlands, but that's not interesting to me or what i aim for. I have found some regarding Muay-Thai in google searches, but what iv'e found seem to be only "retreats" with Muay-Thai on a level compareable to fitness-boxing, yoga or mindfullness.. So what i look for, but can't seem to find anywhere, are camps similar to those in Thailand. Grueling, high-intensity workouts with trainers who have actually fought and don't just do this as a hobby/fitness regime. A place where you can actually grow, improve technique and build strength and gas-tank with high intensity, not a vacation... No hate whatsoever to those who do fitness-boxing and attend retreats like these, i just find it VERY ODD that there ain't any training camps like those in Thailand out there, or perhaps i haven't looked good enough?..  Appericiate all responses, thank you! 
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      1.4k
    • Total Posts
      11.5k
×
×
  • Create New...