Matty

I think the shame you feel comes from your expectation of how you would perform, given that you had been able to perform well sparring with the guys at your gym. You know, I felt shame even when I won. Because there were things that I thought I should be able to do but couldn't. When I told that to my coach, he said that you will always feel that (having things you should be able to do/do better) unless you have a 1 second KO. In contrast, I had lost in an open tournament against an opponent with 10 fights when I had only 1 fight at the time. I was outmatched and got dominated the whole time. It was a tough beating to take. But I didn't feel shame. While I didn't go in expecting to lose, I didn't actually hold any expectation to win OR lose. It might be rare situation to never have expectations of yourself. What makes fighting beautiful is perhaps that dignity is on the line. But maybe while you feel shame, you may also remember pride at the same time. A CBT technique I have used is that I save screenshots of the fight of moments that made me feel proud, and whenever that feeling of shame rises up, I look at those screenshots to teach myself to recognize pride as well. Not to override shame, but to have both shame and pride at the same time (if you've watched cartoon movie "inside out", it's kinda at the end when Joy and Sadness both touch the memory ball). Kudos for having your first fight

@Kaitlin Rose Young Thanks for your perspective and congrats on your recent win. I apologize for my delayed response. I was quite at odds with your response, not because I disagree with it, but because I had a hard time thinking what that means for me and putting that into words. That was the path I was heading towards. I am usually the smallest and shortest in the room and I feel like I was spending the larger part of an one-hour class just covering my head, seldom actually on offense. I hated the experience and even get emotional from it. The thing I'm at odds with is that I still think I am with a good team and at a good place for training. It's just that I am too small, too easily breakable, and fear that I am going to be "discarded" when I do become broken (injured). I had been taking a break from sparring at my home gym (while still training there) and have been sparring at another gym every 2nd saturday. It helped a lot in terms of not being emotional about sparring. I am thinking of adding back sparring at my home gym into the mix. There has been 1 concussion (that I know of) so far this year. But I think some of the people that go especially hard has cycled out. So hope things get better.

Just wanted to share a kind of peaceful joy with everyone :smile: and also credit Sylvie with the idea... Several years ago, I did a sketch off of a photo of my coach from probably the 80s, but left it unfinished. Several months after starting the sketch, my sketchbook was stolen, so the sketch could never be completed. I did have a photo of the incomplete work. This weekend, I took inspiration from Sylvie making T-shirts of Karuhat: I stylized that photo of the original sketch and printed it on a t-shirt to gift to my coach for his 60th birthday. I am glad the incomplete sketch became complete in such an unexpected and meaningful way. Thanks for reading and Thank you Sylvie for the inspiration.

"the Mastin Kipp podcast" might be interesting. Disclaimer: I haven't actually listen to it, but have been a long time follower of his work and am familiar with his approach from other channels.

I think a combination of the things you've listed is already the right response. Change it up based on situation and make yourself unpredictable would be the main idea. I would suggest to tack on a counter/offensive move after the responses you've listed above.

I remembered feeling awkward about proximity in the first 5 mins of my first Jiu Jitsu class, when I saw the instructor demo a move with someone. Trying jiu Jitsu wasn't something I thought through very thoroughly. And up until that point I haven't been that physically close to ppl. But I quickly forgot about the awkwardness when I became so focused on doing the new movements. I mean the kind of intense focus that you completely forget about who's watching and whether they are judging. I wonder if it may be possible to consciously direct your focus to just the movements and dim everything else. If it's something you want to do, you will find a way to override the problem, given time and effort. Good luck

@Marvin Tampus - I ended up taking a private with a trainer who starting in boxing and then went into Muay Thai. He helped me a lot with understanding the movements that are easier to adapt to Muay Thai. If you're interested in what specifically helped, here's a summary of the things I learned from him: https://muay-thai-guy.com/what-is-head-movement.html

Hi guys, I want to get some perspective - on average, how many team members get concussions in a year at your gym? Last year, our gym had 5 concussions within the fight team from training (not sustained during a fight). Is this normal? It seems like a lot in just 12 months, given the seriousness of the injury. That's roughly an average of 1 concussion every 2.5 months. Is this normal? Thanks for your input.

I would consider what's driving their behavior. Some partners I've had are clearly just not sure how hard they should hit me given the size disparity, but some are clearly ego-driven. They want to make themselves feel/look good. There's a girl like that at my gym too. She considers herself having fought "pro" because she's fought in Thailand and was paid for it. One sparring class, I spent 2 rounds just evading her strikes, and she was hitting at normal strength. 3rd round I started throwing some strikes and she immediately started swinging wild. It's clearly ego driven. I was wearing a head gear and still got a headache. (She's maybe 15 - 20 lbs heavier than me, which is not much to me for training purposes.) I called her out saying "remember light to the head", which is a saying our gym uses. But I never train with her anymore, sparring or drills or anything at all. I don't need bad energy in my life and I don't want to risk getting injured for no good reason. There's a teaching from my time doing Jiu Jitsu: if you injure your partner during training, it's indicative of your skills, not theirs. They are hurt because you can control your shit. We put together ladies sparring events at our gym. Maybe a year or so after the above event, she came and sparred in fight mode even with the beginners. She looked eager to prove herself as a top dog. Unfortunately, it changed the dynamic of the ladies sparring events which had been pretty positive and productive up until that point. This girl and some of the other girls started sparring without much restraints at all, throwing spinning back fists and head kicks at each other without control. They were rowdy and sloppy. Unfortunately, this all lead to my friend/ trainer partner getting concussed. She's been out of training for 10 months now :( I don't think she does that with the guys at our gym. Maybe she doesn't feel the need to compete. But she's also not big enough/skilled enough to beat them up (although I heard that she did lose her cool in clinching and elbow someone, which was not allowed). When my coach wanted me to spar with her during my fight camp, I explain all of this. And he said that it's ok that I don't train with her. Maybe I'm particular careful because I'm the smallest one on the team (even the kids are a good 20-30 lbs bigger than me). Regardless of size, if you're going at sparring pace and your partner is going at fight pace, you are likely the one getting hurt. The way I see it is, if I'm injured by a partner with bad character, I can't fight/train. And it's risking a lot with not much to gain.

If you mean like using boxing in Muay Thai, definitely head movement.

Hey Nick, Shadow boxing is great. For punching, there's an option of buying/making a double-end bag. It doesn't take up much space at home and is lower-cost investment. I'm currently making one for myself. It helps with accuracy in punches. Sylvie has a video where she did kicks on a wall to help with turning the hips on the kicks. It's an option to work on kicks. Not being able to get to a Muay Thai gym to train is unfortunate. I've been there... But training on my own primes me for the sessions that I can get to. If self defense is a priority, may I also suggest looking into krav maga techniques? They tend to be more applicable to street fights, such as facing an attacker with a knife or a gun, facing multiple attackers, fighting on unstable ground with no gloves, etc. My heart is in Muay Thai and most of my time is devoted to Muay Thai. I don't enjoy my time in krav maga the way I do in Muay Thai. I would still work on krav maga techniques because of its practicality in self defense. All the best with training!

It sounds like you are in a fantastic community for artists. Being able to showcase artwork for free at establishments sounds wonderful. I agree with Micc to work towards something tangible with gym #3. Maybe featured artwork for their fighters that can be used to market the gym? I think it's wonderful that there's potential for them to acknowledge the value for your talent. I used to be a fashion designer (a close cousin of art) and it was so easy to just create and create without much recognition at all. It was blissful to create, but it took a significant amount of time and didn't pay the bills most of the time. The fact that the owner at gym #3 already appreciates your work is really exciting. Maybe you have an opportunity to develop a niche that combines painting and muay thai. And if the owner of gym #2 has concerns, you could tell him just that: the owner of gym #3 offered you value for your art in the form of training. And you meant no disloyalty to gym #2 but it's an honour to your work. Congrats on returning to gym #2 for training! :banana: Good luck with the negotiations!

Has anyone ever used Drako gloves? It's mostly what's available around here either than the more premium brands. I can't find any customer reviews at all. The other day I mentioned to my instructor that I tend to sprain my thumb when I hit bag and he mentioned that it could be the way the thumb compartment is made. Does anyone get this with other brands? I have a pair of Drako 8oz that I use for everything. I used to borrow gloves from my gym before I bought these and my instructor would always hand me a pair of 8oz. I tend to go really light in sparring, so no one had mentioned anything. There are a few other people that use 8oz and 10oz gloves, and everyone's been ok so far. Perhaps because it's beginners sparring. There aren't a lot of selections available in my area. I am happy with my gloves mostly because they fit my hands and wrists. Maybe I'll experiment another brand and size to see if there are ones with better thumb compartments. Thanks for all the recommendations here :) As for maintaining them, I wipe the inside every now and then with a kitchen towelette dabbed in rubbing alcohol, and wipe the outside with another towelette with just water then put leather conditioner on to prevent the seams from ripping.

Thanks for the heads up, Flora! Note to self, avoid Vehement.

I have the exact same issue as you and everyone else, too. In sparring, I often find myself hesitant and only striking when I find the perfect opportunity, so I end up not very active at all. Now I am trying to be busier with throwing strikes, even if I know that punch would get blocked, so that the next one would land. I think some of my lack of aggression is also due to the fact that I am a beginner, so my sparring partners have been "nice" about letting me recover after a long combination. So in return, I do the same- even though it's not necessary for either of us. There is one girl that I spar with quite often lately. We are quite compatible in size and experience. And because we spar together so often now, I actually feel like I owe it to her to become more aggressive, otherwise I am not offering much as her partner. It helped to think of why ​I need to become more aggressive, just knowing that I'm supposed to be isn't enough.

Thanks for your kind words, Micc. It makes sense to schedule it like other things I have to go to, then I would have no choice but to go. And I like your advice on taking into account other stuff that's going on. It would maximize the chance of success. I totally feel the same on finding a new "gym home". There will never be a gym as amazing as the one I am at right now, where I learned and fell in love with the beauty and grace of Muay Thai.

First of all, thank you so much for everyone that's posted in this thread. I have gained some level of solace just from reading a conversation on this topic. @MayaF I am glad you found a gym that better allow you to grow in your training. Your loyalty should first be to yourself and your training. And I commend you for reaching out to your trainer to express your gratitude. (I am chicken shit when it comes to reaching out to express sentiments like that.) I find myself on the opposite side of the coin. I love being at my gym, but I may soon have no choice but to find another place to train. I have been training at my gym for about 9 months now. The instructors are awesome and so are the people I train with. I can’t imagine leaving this place. But I am graduating from school and starting my job soon. I know what the work schedule is like because I interned there before and know that I won’t be able to make it to any of the MT classes that I am currently taking. I probably won’t be able to take any of the MT classes at all. I tried researching gyms closer to my new office. There is one that appears to work with my work schedule. But the thought of going to another gym is making me sad. I feel like I won’t want to be there. I might not get to focus on techniques like I do now and probably won’t get to spar and clinch either. I feel like I’m cheating even though I hope to stay at my current gym and try to go whenever possible and only use this 2nd gym as a supplement. I emailed this 2nd gym but have received no response so far. (Maybe it’s a sign that I shouldn’t go, that I don’t want it and it doesn’t want me.) Has anyone else been “forced” to change gyms before even though everything about the gym is already great?

I am from Canada too- I find that the guys apologize a lot, both in sparring and if they accidentally hit me when we do drills. I usually just smile and say it's ok. In the rare occasion that I have a girl partner (I'm usually the only girl in my classes), we just go at it normally, no apologies and no worries. Whereas I do the same when I spar in jiu jitsu (at a different place), because I am fairly new to jiu jitsu and sometimes I am not sure if I'm doing something too hard to my partner. Sometimes I manage to roll out 10 "sorry"s in a 3 minute sparring round... :mellow: