Sylvie von Duuglas-Ittu

This is going to be one of those things that I say and you go, "oh yeah, totally," and then go right back to thinking the way you already think. That's okay. What we think is a habit. But I'm going to say it and I want you to try to really understand it: you do not make your trainer feel any way at all. Not good. Not bad. He feels how he feels because of the thoughts he's having and, in a room full of students, he's not thinking only - or even primarily - about you. Don't try to please him. Don't try to frustrate him. Neither are your responsibility. A few years ago my trainer was in this terrible mood. He walked through the room I was in, didn't acknowledge me at all, got in his car and left the gym. I was the only one there. He didn't train me. I had a fucking emotional breakdown, thinking I'd done something wrong and he was mad at me. I was obsessed with it and when I finally grew the courage to confront him about it, I realized it wasn't about me AT ALL. He was going through something very upsetting and instead of being compassionate, I was obsessing over myself. That taught me a lot. It's a relief, honestly.

Welcome! I can't feel my shins anymore at all, haha.

Sagat did exactly this yesterday. He stepped on my foot to pin me to the spot and then yanked me toward him and killed me.

Timing. If you come straight forward, you're walking into the strike like a punching bag. Cut angles, make them kick first (faking, timing) and then counter when they miss.

The very first time I definitely didn't even notice. It was a small one up in my hairline that got, like, two stitches after the fight. I was bothered that they cut my hair. But it didn't run into my eyes or anything. I do recall it felt like hot water on my brow. But the first significant cuts, those are somewhat well-known in that I got 28 stitches and they were pretty nasty on my forehead. I knew straight away on each of them that they were cuts, even though I'd not really experienced that before. There were droplets of blood all over the canvass, on my opponent, on my arms, on the gloves, etc. I don't remember being freaked out by it, I had a kind of uncanny "I know what that is," and I think it's similar to how shin clashes don't hurt during fights. The adrenaline is just soaring, which takes care of a lot. There's less stress in training, just because it's more familiar, so the adrenaline rarely gets to what it will be in a fight. So being freaked out in training doesn't necessarily mean you'd be freaked out in a fight, where shit just doesn't seem to matter (to me). That said, I know a very experienced fighter (Thai) who nearly fainted at the sight of her own blood on her glove in a fight the first time she was cut (near the end of her career, so deep into her experience) and she kind of freaked out about it for a full week afterward. People just have different reactions. My brother wanted to be a doctor until he discovered he can't handle the sight of blood. Nothing wrong with him in any way, he just handles it very differently than I do. I faint at the sight of clowns, so, you know... who knows? I suspect you'd handle it fine in a fight. I've rarely ever seen someone be very bothered by their own cuts in a fight.

There's a pharmacy in Pattaya that sells it, but it's CRAZY expensive. I think they intend it to be consumed for a laxative or something, given how tiny the portions are that they're selling. So I buy mine online. You can just google and find Lazada or iHerb or various other sources. Not too expensive, but definitely not the drug-store prices I'm used to in the States.

Hahaha, I have an affinity for it. Maybe like how well-adjusted people still like to watch Soap Operas. But I will admit that I wasn't much of a Samart fan until I trained with him for the library... and then I understood something that I didn't feel before. Whereas Dieselnoi... you can't not feel him, at any moment. As for me... Jesus, Kero. Muhammad Ali did his own talking, he didn't wait for sports writers or anyone else to do it for him. I wish I had the bravery of Ali. To be what he was, WHEN he was, is nothing short of incredible. Maybe I'm a version of that, because I'm always kicking against the pricks. To be the greatest, I'm not sure if I am brave enough to aim for it... but to work hard so that I'm not the last in anything in which I was the first... well, that's something I'll shout at the moon for.

100%

I get oil massages regularly, sometimes opting for just foot/leg, and only occasionally get the Thai massages. But for the same reasons you get the Thai massage, which is that it "feels right" for me. A Thai massage makes me feel like I've been run over by a truck, but an oil massage (which I still prefer to be quite hard) can make me feel more loose the next day in my movements... or it can make me feel like I have the flu. So, I'm not sure if it's a frequency thing, a hormone thing, a release of toxins thing, or just chance on how I'll feel. I do them anyway. The sauna makes me exhausted the next day, but I also think it's really good for me. I use meditation as part of my daily practice, but for me recovery is daily practice also, so I'll lump them together. Clearing out my mind absolutely makes huge differences in how my body feels. Or at least how I respond to how my body feels. Dieselnoi advised me to soak my feet in warm salt water before sleep, so when I remember to do that I will. I don't feel huge differences, but I do think my sleep is a little bit more sound when I do that. I use blue light blocking glasses after sunset, to get my melatonin production regulated, also to help with sleep. Napping is amazing, if that's a possibility. Some days there's no time. Some days I just can't get to sleep in the middle of the day. I heard this woman on a podcast and have just bought her book, you can check that out here: https://www.runnersworld.com/news/a26146682/good-to-go-science-behind-recovery/

If you watch my sessions with Chatchai, he looks at me in the mirror and stands in front of me to kind of "eyeball calibrate" my form. I stole it from him. It's totally like he's looking down a pool cue. I noticed that he's seeing where my weight is blowing out on one side or the other, if my one shoulder is higher than the other, etc. So, now I look for that kind of thing in the mirror for myself. I call it "breaking the frame" when my body leans or bends instead of the weight transferring all together. That's what I use the mirror for.

Because middle kicks score highly, low kicks don't score much at all unless you do visible damage or are off-balancing your opponent. Rambaa (in the Library) has amazing low kicks. He jumps on them, so they're super nasty and come at a chopping angle. He also stings the inside of the leg, just to annoy the opponent a lot, but it hurts after only one or two. I've had trouble walking after sessions with him for that reason.

This is awesome! I remember seeing pictures of Taywin from not event that long before I met him, and he looked SO different.

Budgeting for unexpected costs is a really good tip. You never know when you suddenly have a pretty hefty expense. Additionally, I've seen countless guys come through who have a pretty reasonable budget for themselves, then leave after only a month because they've blown through their nest egg by eating western food every day, fending off boredom by going to movies or out drinking or whatever else they didn't budget in because they thought they could get by on a simple life and simply didn't follow that plan.

I love your write up. Something that I see when I watch his waist is how his knees bend. They don't bend like a soccer or tennis player, they don't even bend like any other martial arts that I've seen, but they bend like a Golf swing. Keep in mind, I've never played golf in my life and I'm not truly adroit at watching it, but the twist, to me, looks like golf. The first thing I noted when walking into the room yesterday and sitting behind you was your breathing. I smiled and pointed it out to the General, I said, "he remembers to breathe... not like me." Even being able to hear it is more "right" than you can imagine. But your observation of the subtle differences means you do, actually, know what he's talking about more than you might give yourself credit for. I reckon his question to you about whether you know what he's talking about is actually if you know where to look, or what aspect he's picking on. I watch my trainer Kru Nu show someone a punch and they stare at his fist. It makes no sense. They're not looking anywhere near where the important part is. His balance is just like he's from another planet. He never, ever draws outside the lines, so to speak. He never breaks his frame. He never leans or bends. I thought Sagat had pretty incredible ability for maximum efficiency out of minimum movement... but the General even complained that Sagat couldn't do his uppercut right. Hahahaha.

It depends a lot on the gym, as well as if there are other little kids training. For example, when I was training with Phetjee Jaa and her brother Mawin, they had a little cousin who trained but not too seriously. So, he came on the morning runs but never ran the full 5-7 km, but would run a bit and then jump on the back of the motorbike that accompanies fighters when they run. (There is almost always a motorbike or car following fighters, as a safety precaution against dogs, cars, kids getting left behind, etc.) However, at a gym where there are more kids of the same age training, it might be more structured with them running together. The Jade Dragon Set only train in the evenings, after school. They arrive when the regular training is winding down and they have to wait their turn. They jump on the tires and tear around in the smaller ring until a trainer is ready to pay attention to them, and some days they don't get formal training at all. Lately the younger fighters (teenagers) have been holding pads for them, but if one has a fight Kru Nu or Kru Gok will hold for that one. They do drills, mainly, not so much "freestyle" padwork that you'd see in older students. They have to march back and forth in shadow, knee against the ropes 200 times, kick the pad 50 kicks each side, etc. They sometimes kick the bags but it's more or less counting out 100 kicks or knees or whatever, not what you'd call "bag work." They spar and clinch with each other, but usually 2 rounds (that's about 10 minutes). Usually that ends when someone starts crying, but if there's enough of them the others keep going and the one who is crying sits out for a bit until he's ready to start again, and if he doesn't want anymore he's never usually forced. So, it's kind of a version of regular training, but not the same intensity.

These fights happen more than is acknowledged, but video of them is rare. So Kevin and I put up this one with Buakaw, one of the best female fighters in Thailand, who has run out of opponents and probably wasn't training very much at this time. But that's also super common.

If there is an assistant to the monk somewhere, that's always an appropriate person to ask. If there's nobody to ask, you can tell the monk that you would like a blessing ขอให้พรมงคล (koh hai pon mongkol). It's appropriate to offer something to the monk before he does the blessing. You can often buy these at the temple, right at the front and they come in kinds of packets or baskets of pre-set items. Usually they're toiletries or things that are needed to be shared by the monks for day-to-day living. But you can always offer fruit, flowers, packaged foods like soy milk or those yogurt drinks. It doesn't need to be (and likely shouldn't be) fancy. Once you've communicated what you're asking for, put the Mongkol on a tray or just hand it to the monk (women can't hand it directly, so put it on a piece of cloth that the monk will have in front of him, or on a tray). On your knees, bow to him 3 times, touching your hands and forehead to the floor like in the Wai Kru in the ring. Then sit with your feet behind you or under you with your hands in a "wai" as the monk does whatever he does with the mongkol. He'll likely bless you at the same time, with the water splashing, but once he's done with the mongkol he'll put it back on the tray or cloth or hand it back to you. Wai to him the same way you started, the 3 touches of the head to the floor, thank him and leave a donation in an envelope at the appropriate place in the temple for this. Don't give it to him. Put it in the box or whatever they have there. The amount is up to you, but 100 Baht is perfectly enough. But the fruit or gifts you can give to him at the start, after you've done your first "wais". In my experience, monks LOVE blessing mongkols. They get excited to see farang fighters doing this. So, just smile and be polite and any of the miscommunications or awkwardness is no problem.

I'll try to answer this tonight.

This is a poison of western fight culture. I've learned to never underestimate anybody. There's no such thing as an easy fight, really and truly. I was listening to Kru Nu tell me about how this opponent couldn't fight me, which is a Thai phrase that is often used to imply that skill levels are just crazy different. But even after telling me this, he paused and then told me never to underestimate anybody. He said anything can happen in a fight, it depends on how important it is to the other person, etc. I've felt that in my opponents. And I think that when your opponent is talked down - and people mean well when they do that, even though it's so shitty - it takes something from your own heart. It makes it seem less important. It allows you, even for a moment, even if you know better, to let your guard down a little. You SHOULD have an appropriate level of fear, or awareness, for every single person you will ever get in the ring with. Even if on paper it looks like there's no way you could lose. It's a fight. You've prepared for it. It's your preparation that will let you win, not your expectations about your opponent. You can fight anyone, Lisa. Literally anyone. You can be the one who everyone is down-talking and you can win in those conditions. Your opponent has the same possibilities. But don't doubt yourself or believe in yourself based on who or what your opponent is. Believe in yourself for what you've done, for who you are, for the work you've put in. None of that guarantees a win. But you can't disappoint yourself if you know you've done the work. Just do the work. The fight is part of it, not the result of it.

This part feels particularly important for female athletes. @Kaitlin Rose Young (and of course you and me, Emma) and I have had a few back and forths about how unique it is for women to be asked when they're going to stop fighting, even after very objectively successful fights! But I love your point here, that whatever you're thinking or feeling about the progression of your Muay Thai career (or your Power Lifting) is coming from YOU. That's so, so hard in the world of sport, where you have trainers and mentors, teammates, "fans" or people who support you (or don't), etc. Everyone has an opinion and, for all the reasons that be, a lot of people feel justified in voicing those opinions to women, especially. It can be hard to tune it out. It can be hard to go against it. It can even be hard to dismiss it when you KNOW it's total bullshit. Which is crazy.

This is that thing about how animals "chon" and fighters "su," that I saw in Thai a while back. The biting down on a mouthpiece, closing your eyes and just rushing in to deliver a clashing attack is, indeed, driving headlong into fear in some ways. It has its own merit. But it's not the same thing as interacting with the fear itself, like sitting in it and shaping it. Ducking into a wave versus surfing it. I'm most interested in this achievement-as-stopping-point that you used Goggins to illustrate. This whole notion that you do something hard with the end of it in mind, where you get the seal of approval or the pin or whatever else that shows that you've "done" it, rather than that you can always keep doing it. That's what belts are like. That's what rankings are like. But then you have someone like Dieselnoi, who sneers at these fighters who become champion and then become lazy, no longer training hard because they've arrived, or whatever. His whole heart screams with this ferocity that, once you're champion, you've got to hold the throne and so you're training even harder, because those fuckers are coming for the king. That's a man who can sit with fear. The others are holding their breath and ducking through it. So many people ask me if I still get nervous. I must be so desensitized after so many fights. But how can you be? Every fight is a fight. They don't stop being fights. They don't stop being challenges. The game hasn't changed so that now people aren't trying to beat me, hurt me, humiliate me. All that stays the same. All that is the scary part. So why would the nerves disappear? Watching these fighters in space, how they fill it up instead of dancing around it, that's the amazing part about letting fear be part of the process. Not a tool within the process that then has a expiration. Literally part of the process the way water is part of a river.