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I've been meaning to write a blog post about this for a while and recently, as I think it's an amazing topic. A lot of folks who become dedicated to Muay Thai find it to be a form of therapy, out outlet, a time for themselves away from the pressures and stresses of family/work/school. Muay Thai is empowering, but it can also tear you up; but for most of us, Muay Thai is something that has forever changed us and keeps forming us the more we work in it. I came across this post from a woman who has found her experiences at her gym (Onyx MMA in Singapore) to be helpful in dealing with her Depression. For whatever reason, I think Muay Thai beckons to those of us who are struggling with ourselves and gives us a set of tools and a process through which we can translate that struggle. This thread is to share our thoughts and experiences on the usefulness and challenges of Muay Thai as therapy. For me, Muay Thai is an incredible outlet. Physically pushing myself is, at times, a very real necessity in dealing with my personal demons. But it's also difficult because all the things about Muay Thai that make me feel empowered and strong and capable, ALSO make me feel useless and stuck and self-critical. A mirror is just a reflective surface - it's YOU that interprets what you see in it. Muay Thai is like that - some days it shows me beauty and some days it shows me a monster. But I do feel that I'm able to work through things on a personal, emotional and psychological (even spiritual?) level through the language and art of Muay Thai that I wouldn't be able to address otherwise. It gives me the courage to keep trying, I think. And I can see improvement; it's measurable, whereas being a more stable or happy or good person is harder to gauge. But man... sometimes it just crushes me, too.

This goes a little to mental training. I listen to podcasts when I run every morning and lately I've been way into NPR's "Invisibilia" podcast. This morning was on the topic of fear, how prevalent it is in our (American) culture and its benefits and hindrances. It opens with what kind of free range kids had growing up in the 70's - I was given a really free childhood, personally - and how that's very different now, following the kids from the 70's research who are now parents making very different choices for their own kids based on fear. But, they explain, we're "hardwired" to take notice of frightful things; it has evolutionary benefits. Then they talk about a woman who is literally "fearless." A particular disease causes calcification in the amygdala in the brain and the only emotion it does away with is fear. So she simply cannot feel the emotion; her heart doesn't race, her hands don't sweat, she doesn't get startled by sudden loud noises, etc. Is this being a superhero? Not so much; the doctors who have been studying her for 20+ years now don't give out her real name because it's so dangerous to be fearless. SUPER interesting. Lastly they cover the common phobia of snakes and why this "unknowable" quality is so creepy to so many people. We're not born with this fear, we have to learn it. And a fellow who has found a solution to overcoming his own fear of rejection by basically becoming really practiced at being rejected. That's a great system and one that is incredibly useful for Muay Thai. I get a lot of people writing to me asking "what's wrong with me?" for being afraid of being hit in sparring. Nothing, man... totally normal. You just have to get used to it; get hit and the fear gets less and less. Check out the podcast for "Fearless: Invisibilia" and I recommend the entire series.

FightNetwork has a very interesting podcast/video series called the Mentality of Combat Sports. MMA fight analyst Robin Black discusses confidence, mental toughness and other topics with sports psychologist David Mullins. Full playlist here. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLr7REBc1Y94_jCzlltyiJ5G584WWFc6fI

Hi, Im struggling a lot over self-confidence and being emotional run down. For most parts of my life Im a really self-confident person. I travelled all over the world and never had anyone telling me what I can or can't do. I just went my own way and if things didn't add up any more I quit, moved somewhere else or tried to work it out. It was never in particular running away, but probably a little. When I took up training I did it for the sake of fun, never with the intention to start fighting. I have never been a sporty person in particulary, though I always did all sorts of outdoor sports, Im just too heavy to be athletic by nature. My will to fight changed when I started training in a professional gym n whcih I got pushed hard and I started believing in myself. My coaches would never praise me, but they would train you in a way that you trust yourself. Though I always went through daily emtional highs and lows, usually crying after training coz I felt so bad. However I always felt safe with my coach, if he would say run, I run, if he would say jump out that window I would have jumped, that much I trusted him. After I left that gym I put matters in my own hands, training in different places, training a lot for myself additionally. I felt good and quite self-confident, as long as my fitness was up and running. However lately I started doubting myself again heavily. Last summer I trained with a different coach (due to yet another move) and he is quite technical coming from a boxing background, I was never good enough for anything and it slowly got myself down again. Before entering the ring before a fight he would tell ne how slow I am and that I needed to twist this and that anymore, than I started thinking about it, because I want to please and make it right, thats when I lost. again again, but always in my mind first, because I wanted to get my technique right, he completely tried to changed my fight style. I did take a lot out of it, but it is not the way I fight. It all led to cancelling a fight 2 weeks ago because I didnt get all the training in I wanted, though deep down I know I could have easily stepped into the ring even without having worked on the bags or did any sparring. My fitness was ok and I could have done it. Only my head led me down. After my last loss in February I took up mental training, one Emma recommended in one of her blog posts, but this is a much deeper issue. I always needed someone in my back to trust in me, not to necessarily to tell me, but to cover up my back. I adore people who dont need that, who can just jump into a fight without the preperation Im used to. are there more people out there like this?

So I fought tonight and I'm fighting 2 more times in the next 2 weeks. This is the first time for me that I've fights (scheduled) so close together! I won the fight, but typical me not happy at all. I won comfortably enough. When we got back to the gym after my manager said to people ooh she fight maybe 30% and win haha. I can see how he thought that as I dunno it wasnt a ya know toe to toe war!! But I actually really wanted to win by stoppage (it was my 4th fight v same opponent I've won every time). I hesitated a lot and I'm wondering if I was thinking subconsciously that I've 2 more fights I don't want to get hurt! Maybe that's an excuse in my head for my average performance but I wonder for people (especially say sylvie) who fight so often does that ever go through your mind! I could be chatting shit I can't sleep after fights and I over think too much but just wondering peoples thoughts