Thanks for sharing your experiences Oliver . I have actually changed my routine a lot since my last post because of that exact thing. The energy of others when training. Though the articles do show some insight into that side of sparring and training, I believe energy is important to keep in check and balance when you are starting out, or are feeling out your sparring partners. Like you say, its instinctual.
For example, I am always laughing. I have a very positive attitude towards training as I treat it like a game. I try to punch you in the face and vice versa, who ever punches the other person in the face more wins the round. This can be good and bad. With some more experienced fighters, its fun because they have the control to keep the pace and play the game. With less experienced fighters, I found them to have poor control and get frustrated and bitter, even if you slow down to cater to their level. I have found that there are outliers that no matter what happens, they are going to win in sparring - which I don't like - and these people have happened to be all smaller than me, so I couldn't go 80% without hurting them.
I actual chose to mention this to one of the guys I sparred with who threw really hard shots. I asked him why he was throwing hard and that its suppose to be light. His answer was because I'm bigger than him that I should be able to handle it. I stopped training with him after that. I'm now just sticking to sparing people that I trust and that I can learn together with. I've also reduced sparring outside of the people I trust to every fortnight, where I get the chance to try move sets on different bodies. its been great so far