Jump to content

Loss of self confidence before a fight


Recommended Posts

 I have a dear friend and training partner who has her 3d fight coming up in about a week. Two days ago i realized she lost all her confidence, is hurt/a bit injured , scared, sad and in panic. We tried to calm her down but she's having a real hard time with herself. Talking to the trainer is not an option for her and she has some trust issues that the trainer wouldn't care enough. What can we do to be the best support? 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Ann710 said:

What can we do to be the best support? 

I can't speak to this as a fighter, but maybe as someone who offers support, and who is close to these kinds of swings. There is nothing wrong, first off. The reason why people fight, I mean the real reason, is that they are processing, and at many times expressing something deeply personal to them. And with that comes real risk. If it is going to mean something, that also means that it involves real risk. And the risk isn't "losing" or getting hurt. It's that whole bundle of things that are involved in why she is fighting in the first place. What likely is happening is that she's just coming up against, and facing the shadow side of what that is all about. So, how you support her would be the same as supporting anyone facing their demons, or shadow beliefs. First of all, probably just letting her know you are there is a big deal. She might know you are there, in a practical sense, but hearing "I'm here" can make a difference. Something that I think is also important, is to get the fighter to see through the fight, which means that what the fighter is after isn't "in" the fight. It's not going to occur there. The fight itself is part of a larger process. Just like in Karate you punch "through" the wooden board, in fighting you punch through the fight. It's very hard to advise about this because I don't know your relationship to her, or the level of the kinds of things you discuss, but even making plans for progress that will happen beyond the fight, like "After the fight let's start working on body punches together, I really want to get my body shots going!" or, "Maybe it would be cool to book a private with [whatever trainer x that is respected] after the fight", anything that gets the gaze going past the fight, to the larger project of self-cultivation that is what fighting can be about.

  • Like 2
  • The Greatest 1
  • Respect 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you kevin, that's really a big help! Since we're definitely close enough that we speak a lot on more metaphysical matters, the way to see through the fight might be a very sustainable way that I really didn't have in mind so far...

 

  • Like 1
  • Cool 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 I still get nervous in the last training sessions before any fight, because I think that how I "perform" there should be a copy of how I will perform in the ring. And I'm very often tired, sore, mentally fatigued, and hurt somewhere or many places. All of that comes with you into the ring, but you don't have to give it importance. To have doubt os very, VERY normal. You can fight against it, or you can fight with it there but it's not significant. Physical pain is the same. You can't "leave it at the door," as it will be in the ring with you, but you don't have to give it significance. "It hurts, but that doesn't MEAN anything."

Remind her that she's already done the work. There's nothing more that needs to be done. Confidence is not first a feeling, it is first an action. If she's not feeling confident, fine - just ACT confident, whatever her version is, days and hours before climbing into the ring. Like putting on a coat. Those thoughts are just as real as her doubts; doubts, also, are only thoughts. They are no more real than self-belief. She has both, both can be real, but you have to breathe life into the one you want.

Also, fights don't mean anything more than what happens during the minutes they are taking place. They do not determine ability, or worth. They determine if you like fighting or not.

  • Like 5
  • Nak Muay 1
  • Respect 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Sylvie von Duuglas-Ittu said:

Also, fights don't mean anything more than what happens during the minutes they are taking place. They do not determine ability, or worth. They determine if you like fighting or not.

I think this is an important thing to realise both before and after the fight. A lot of fighters I know feel fear before the fight not so much about being hurt but not performing in front of friends and family as well as they should. Thats a lot of pressure to take with you in there. Why did she start to compete, what was the motivation? That is the part that needs to still have importance, but not as pressure, as motivation. Fear cant be ignored but it can be used. Losses suck, no way around it, but they dont define and they also can be used (in fact often times they can be of more use than wins). The idea for me as a coach is to reduce pressure before a fight, to get them to harness what fears they have. Everything is a matter of perspective, its how you choose to see it. 

  • Like 3
  • Respect 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, Ann710 said:

Talking to the trainer is not an option for her and she has some trust issues that the trainer wouldn't care enough.

This part bothers me. Can I ask why? Did something happen? The reason it bothers me is the bond between a fighter and coach is serious, especially going into a fight. It shouldnt be on shaky ground. People have fought and won with their relationship with their coach on shaky terms, but its not ideal, ya? 

  • Nak Muay 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Most Recent Topics

  • Latest Comments

    • I remember - I've probably written it somewhere else - driving to Phetjeejaa's family gym, which was up a few lanes and a dirt road, when she was the best female Muay Thai fighter in the world, at only 13 years of age, something we did everyday so Sylvie could train with her. And to get there we motorbiked up Khao Talo road, a pretty active road, and would pass by a Taekwondo studio with a large plate glass window showing the training mat inside, where numerous kids around Phetjeejaa's age all glowed in their starched white Gis, Ha-ai-ing in their moves. And I thought to myself...we are driving to where the best female fighter in the world trains and all these kids, the parents of these kids, don't even know she's there...up the road. And even if they did, they wouldn't train with her at her gym, because Muay Thai is low class, its dirty, nothing like the promise of a clean white Gi.   The story of Muay Thai cannot be told without this strong division of class.
    • As Thailand's Muay Thai Turns Itself Toward the Westerner more and more, people are going to yearn for "authentic" Muay Thai This is one of the great ironic consequences of Thailand attempting to change its Muay Thai into a Western-oriented sport, not only changing the rules of its fights for them, and their presentation, but also changing the training, the very "form" of Muay Thai itself...this is going to increase the demand and desire for "authentic" Muay Thai. Yes, increasing numbers of people will be drawn to the made-for-me Muay Thai, because that's a wide-lane highway...but of those numbers a small subset is going to more intensely feel: Nope, that stuff is not for me. In this counterintuitive way, tourism and soft power which is radically altering Muay Thai, it also is creating a foreign desire for the very thing that is being altered and lost. The traveler, in the sense of the person who wants to get away from themselves, their culture, the things they already know, to find what is different than them, is going to be drawn to what hasn't been shaped for them. This is complicated though, because this is also linked to a romanticization, and exoticization sometimes which can be problematic, and because this then pushes the tourism (first as "adventure tourism") halo out further and further, eventually commodifying, altering more of what "isn't shaped for them". This is the great contradiction. There has to be interest and value in preserving what has been, but then if that interest is grown in the foreigner, this will lead to more alteration...especially if there is a power imbalance. So we walk a fine line in valuing that which is not-like-us. What is hopeful and interesting is that Thailand, and Siam before it, has spent centuries absorbing the shaping powers of foreign trade, even intense colonization, and its culture has developed great resistance to these constant interactions. It, and therefore Muay Thai itself, arguably has woven into itself the capacity to hold its character when when pressed. This is really what probably makes Thailand's Muay Thai so special, so unique in the world...the way it has survived as not only some kind of martial antecedent from centuries ago (under the influence of many international fighting influences), but also how it negotiated the full 100 years of "modernity" in the 20th century, including decades and decades in dialogue with Western Boxing (first from the British, then from America). The only really worrisome aspect of this latest colonization, if we can call it that, is that the imposing forces brought to Muay Thai through globalization are not those of a complex fighting art, developed through its own its own lineage in foreign lands. It's that mostly what is shaping Muay Thai now is a very pale version of itself, a Muay Thai that was imitated by the Japanese in the 1970s, in a new made up sport "Kickboxing", which bent back through Europe in the 1980s, and now is finding its way back to Thailand, fueled by Western and international interest. Thailand's Muay Thai is facing being shaped by a shadow of itself, an echo, a devolvment of skills and meaningfulness. On trusts though that it can absorb this and move on.   some of the history of Japanese Kickboxing:  
    • Wow, just watched an old Thai Fight replay of top tier female matchup that featured Kero's opponent in her last fight, someone she pretty much overwhelmed right away (with probably a 4 kg advantage). It was amazing to see the difference in performance on Thai Fight. Very skilled, very game, sharp. I came away realizing just how HARD it is to fight up. It changes everything. Sylvie takes 4 kg disadvantages all the time, and honestly overcomes them more often than not. What she does is so unappreciated, not only by others, but by Sylvie herself. Giving up significant weight and winning doesn't just take toughness, it takes an incredible amount of skill to keep that fighter away from what they want to do, to nullify all that size, strength and the angles. It's a complete art. You see this in female fighting all the time, big weight advantages REALLY matter. 
  • The Latest From Open Topics Forum

    • Hi all, Does anyone know of any suppliers for blanks (Plain items to design and print a logo on) that are a good quality? Or put me in the right direction? thanks all  
    • The first fight between Poot Lorlek and Posai Sittiboonlert was recently uploaded to youtube. Posai is one of the earliest great Muay Khao fighters and influential to Dieselnoi, but there's very little footage of him. Poot is one of the GOATs and one of Posai's best wins, it's really cool to see how Posai's style looked against another elite fighter.
    • Yeah, this is certainly possible. Thanks! I just like the idea of a training camp pre-fight because of focus and getting more "locked in".. Do you know of any high level gyms in europe you would recommend? 
    • You could just pick a high-level gym in a European city, just live and train there for however long you want (a month?). Lots of gyms have morning and evening classes.
    • Hi, i have a general question concerning Muay-Thai training camps, are there any serious ones in Europe at all? I know there are some for kickboxing in the Netherlands, but that's not interesting to me or what i aim for. I have found some regarding Muay-Thai in google searches, but what iv'e found seem to be only "retreats" with Muay-Thai on a level compareable to fitness-boxing, yoga or mindfullness.. So what i look for, but can't seem to find anywhere, are camps similar to those in Thailand. Grueling, high-intensity workouts with trainers who have actually fought and don't just do this as a hobby/fitness regime. A place where you can actually grow, improve technique and build strength and gas-tank with high intensity, not a vacation... No hate whatsoever to those who do fitness-boxing and attend retreats like these, i just find it VERY ODD that there ain't any training camps like those in Thailand out there, or perhaps i haven't looked good enough?..  Appericiate all responses, thank you! 
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      1.4k
    • Total Posts
      11.4k
×
×
  • Create New...