Jump to content

Help starting over, getting motivated


Recommended Posts

Last week I was banned form my beloved lessons, no reason, honestly no reason I haven't done anything wrong. But after my trainer ( now ex trainer ) had taken my money for my weekly 1-2-1, I got home and received a text saying 'I don't want to train you anymore, and I dont need to explain why' and that was that. I've messaged him a few times almost begging him to say what I've done wrong and he has just ignored it. I've since heard from several of his friends that he has done this before, I'm not the first and I probably won't be the last. This hasn't stopped me from being in tears all week, and spending every waking second wondering what went wrong, what should I of done, why me etc?

Anyway, I know I should find somewhere else to train and show this bloke I'm not giving up, but I just can't get motivated, I want to train and fight, and the times when I should of been at me lesson I just sit at home crying, I don't understand what happened and I can't seem to find the motivation to carry on, I feel like just giving up, I haven't got the energy to find somewhere else, and start over.

I've spent countless hours at stupid o'clock in the dojo trying to improve and all for nothing! What if I join else where and it happens all over again? Even though I don't want to give up, I just can't see the point in carrying on, I can't get motivated to prove him wrong and continue, I just don't understand why me??

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm very sorry to be reading this Lucy, but I'm going to just give it to you straight: your (ex)trainer is an asshole. You did nothing wrong, this is a power trip and the reason for it is his own ego. Trying to wrap your head around it won't do, it's not a rational thing. He's just a dick. And you should get your money back for that lesson if he didn't train you, but if it involves talking to him again then just leave it and consider it the cost of getting out of a toxic relationship that was only going to get worse.

The thing to focus on is sorting your own feelings. Find your confidence and motivation outside of your involvement with him. All the work you did wasn't him doing anything special, it was you. You did all that work. You got better. You worked through frustration and you had great moments. None of that was something he did; that's all what you did. That's yours. You didn't lose time but you did gain strength and perspective if you allow yourself to have some distance and see it that way. Find another space to start working and get to work on the things that make you feel good. I've gotten away from two toxic environments/persons and it's not easy. It feels like shit and it's a blow to your confidence. But given some distance from it, it's like breathing fresh air after having your mouth around an exhaust pipe. You're better off, even though it's a painful experience.

Honestly, fuck that guy.

Last week I was banned form my beloved lessons, no reason, honestly no reason I haven't done anything wrong. But after my trainer ( now ex trainer ) had taken my money for my weekly 1-2-1, I got home and received a text saying 'I don't want to train you anymore, and I dont need to explain why' and that was that. I've messaged him a few times almost begging him to say what I've done wrong and he has just ignored it. I've since heard from several of his friends that he has done this before, I'm not the first and I probably won't be the last. This hasn't stopped me from being in tears all week, and spending every waking second wondering what went wrong, what should I of done, why me etc?
Anyway, I know I should find somewhere else to train and show this bloke I'm not giving up, but I just can't get motivated, I want to train and fight, and the times when I should of been at me lesson I just sit at home crying, I don't understand what happened and I can't seem to find the motivation to carry on, I feel like just giving up, I haven't got the energy to find somewhere else, and start over.
I've spent countless hours at stupid o'clock in the dojo trying to improve and all for nothing! What if I join else where and it happens all over again? Even though I don't want to give up, I just can't see the point in carrying on, I can't get motivated to prove him wrong and continue, I just don't understand why me??

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you so much, this is exactly what I needed to hear, you're right I did those things, I learnt, I trained, and I bloody loved it, so I really shouldn't think I've wasted my time, I should be back in a gym doing what I love, and learning from another trainer who will treat me with respect and yes fuck my ex trainer he really is a dick!

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Get your money back. You're in the UK, you can use the small claims court if necessary because he has taken your money and not provided the service paid for.

The guy doesn't want to train you anymore - ok, fair enough in a way because training is a joint relationship but it would have been courteous of him to explain why (maybe he just felt he wasn't connecting with you) and perhaps put you in contact with another trainer. Crumbs though, you don't want to train with someone who doesn't want to train you, do you?! This guy has done you a favour before you've wasted too much time on him - get out, find a trainer who wants you, and GO FOR IT!!!

Try not to feel down about it, I've been 'dropped' by instructors etc over the years from various activities; sometimes they've said why (examples being: 'I'm not getting through to you, I am the wrong instructor for you, try Fred instead', 'Sorry, you have no ability whatsoever and you are frankly wasting your time'), sometimes they haven't, and they've just refused to make the next appointment. Shrug it off. It isn't personal. Find a new trainer. And use the experience for when the new trainer says 'I want that punch to have more power' and put the guy's face where you want to hit hard!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

@ Lucy: I noticed that you automatically assumed that it must somehow be your fault, but it could just as well and probably even more likely be due to e.g. mental health issues of your trainer. And yes, definitely get that money back if he did not provide full services for it.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Most Recent Topics

  • Latest Comments

    • Like the Santi Ubon Muay Thai gym mentioned above, Siriluck gym in Udonthani was thoroughly reviewed in our forum, and sounds very much like a similar style gym. We have no experience with the gym, but perhaps the author of the post would respond to questions.  
    • Taking Privates in Thailand Listen. Taking privates in Thailand is NOT Authentic in the usual sense, but...if you've read my article post above (and clicked through to the rest) you will absolutely understand when I say: Take privates in Thailand. And take them especially from great ex-fighters and krus. Because the traditional path to elite, Golden Age Muay Thai no longer really exists in Thailand, or at the very least is highly fragmented, learning directly from the men who lived and were shaped by that process in concentrated one-on-one sessions is probably the best single thing you can do. These skills, that knowledge, was not developed in that way (one on one instruction), but these men hold knowledge that nobody on earth holds, come out of their own experiences and their continuous living in the sport especially at the highest Age of its development. There is no replacement, and its time is limited. So, while you will not be learning in the kaimuay churn in these sessions, and instead will be directly interacting with a great fighter or kru, what is being taught is in some ways the most authentic. And, if you aren't in Thailand, the Muay Thai Library is probably your only way of coming in consistent contact with it (aside from having such a great Thai kru yourself).  
    • How Authentic is Your Muay Thai Gym in Thailand? this is a totally idiosyncratic, somewhat in fun, somewhat in all seriousness list of traits that can be added up. If the gym adds up to over 110 it's officially "authentic". This is just to add detail and perspective, not a real judgement.
  • The Latest From Open Topics Forum

    • In my experience, 1 pair of gloves is fine (14oz in my case, so I can spar safely), just air them out between training (bag gloves definitely not necessary). Shinguards are a good idea, though gyms will always have them and lend them out- just more hygienic to have your own.  2 pairs of wraps, 2 shorts (I like the lightweight Raja ones for the heat), 1 pair of good road running trainers. Good gumshield and groin-protector, naturally. Every time I finish training, I bring everything into the shower (not gloves or shinnies, obviously) with me to clean off the (bucketsfull in my case) of sweat, but things dry off quickly here outside of the monsoon season.  One thing I have found I like is smallish, cotton briefs for training (less cloth, therefore sweaty wetness than boxers, etc.- bring underwear from home- decent, cotton stuff is strangely expensive here). Don't weigh yourself down too much. You might want to buy shorts or vests from the gym(s) as (useful) souvenirs. I recommend Action Zone and Keelapan, next door, in Bangkok (good selection and prices):  https://www.google.com/maps/place/Action+Zone/@13.7474264,100.5206774,17z/data=!4m14!1m7!3m6!1s0x30e29931ee397e41:0x4c8f06926c37408b!2sAction+Zone!8m2!3d13.7474212!4d100.5232523!16s%2Fg%2F1hm3_f5d2!3m5!1s0x30e29931ee397e41:0x4c8f06926c37408b!8m2!3d13.7474212!4d100.5232523!16s%2Fg%2F1hm3_f5d2?entry=ttu&g_ep=EgoyMDI0MTAyOS4wIKXMDSoASAFQAw%3D%3D
    • Hey! I totally get what you mean about pushing through—it can sometimes backfire, especially with mood swings and fatigue. Regarding repeated head blows and depression, there’s research showing a link, especially with conditions like CTE (Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy). More athletes are recognizing the importance of mental health alongside training. 
    • If you need a chill video editing app for Windows, check out Movavi Video Editor. It's super easy to use, perfect for beginners. You can cut, merge, and add effects without feeling lost. They’ve got loads of tutorials to help you out! I found some dope tips on clipping videos with Movavi. It lets you quickly cut parts of your video, so you can make your edits just how you want. Hit up their site to learn more about how to clip your screen on Windows and see how it all works.
    • Hi all, I am fortunate enough to have the opportunity to be traveling to Thailand soon for just over a month of traveling and training. I am a complete beginner and do not own any training gear. One of the first stops on my trip will be to explore Bangkok and purchase equipment. What should be on my list? Clearly, gloves, wraps, shorts and mouthguard are required. I would be grateful for some more insight e.g. should I buy bag gloves and sparring gloves, whether shin pads are worthwhile for a beginner, etc. I'm partiularly conscious of the heat and humidity, it would make sense to pack two pairs of running shoes, two sets of gloves, several handwraps and lots of shorts. Any nuggets of wisdom are most welcome. Thanks in advance for your contributions!   
    • Have you looked at venum elite 
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      1.4k
    • Total Posts
      11.1k
×
×
  • Create New...