How to get over the fear of hitting people?

[dazzleanddie]

I can handle being punched and kicked, because I like blocking. But I cannot for the life of me, bring myself to reciprocate and mirror their strength. Please don't tell me to just keep practicing because I did for at least a year and I am getting annoyed at myself to be quite frank.

[dazzleanddie]

10 hours ago, Tom Riddle said:

For The sake of Your Life!! you can do some punches practice at that time, when you're being attacked and see your strength, 
If you feel that you're not of his strength then just keep blocking!!  

That's the problem, I can go very hard on non-living things but I can't do it on real people

[LengLeng]

On 4/5/2022 at 8:52 PM, dazzleanddie said:

I can handle being punched and kicked, because I like blocking. But I cannot for the life of me, bring myself to reciprocate and mirror their strength. Please don't tell me to just keep practicing because I did for at least a year and I am getting annoyed at myself to be quite frank.

I used to be very aggressive on pads. But when I started sparring I just couldn't hit back. I only sparred with teachers who would not go hard but put a lot of pressure and I just frooze. Years back I was stalked and assaulted and I froze then too, begged for mercy. I realised, all that came back when I was once again in a situation where I had to enforce my physical boundaries. And the shame I felt for not protecting myself in the past all came up to the surface. Things that helped me: work with an older, patient male teacher that would give me space to hit back in my own time. And then also, get hit hard by a very aggressive girl with tonnes of experience. She headkicked me so my contact lens popped out and my ears rang but that physical sting, like real pain brought it out of me and instinctively I just hit back. My ex-husband also helped me with sparring, kicking me hard and getting me annoyed and aggressive with a person I trusted. And I broke that barrier slowly but surely. But for me it was a long emotional process of allowing myself to protect my physical space by hitting back, not just take it. Which has helped me enforce my mental barriers as well. 

Not sure if my advice applies to your specific situation, but I really feel you on this freezing thing and what effect it has on your confidence. 

[dazzleanddie]

On 4/7/2022 at 9:03 AM, LengLeng said:

I used to be very aggressive on pads. But when I started sparring I just couldn't hit back. I only sparred with teachers who would not go hard but put a lot of pressure and I just frooze. Years back I was stalked and assaulted and I froze then too, begged for mercy. I realised, all that came back when I was once again in a situation where I had to enforce my physical boundaries. And the shame I felt for not protecting myself in the past all came up to the surface. Things that helped me: work with an older, patient male teacher that would give me space to hit back in my own time. And then also, get hit hard by a very aggressive girl with tonnes of experience. She headkicked me so my contact lens popped out and my ears rang but that physical sting, like real pain brought it out of me and instinctively I just hit back. My ex-husband also helped me with sparring, kicking me hard and getting me annoyed and aggressive with a person I trusted. And I broke that barrier slowly but surely. But for me it was a long emotional process of allowing myself to protect my physical space by hitting back, not just take it. Which has helped me enforce my mental barriers as well. 

Not sure if my advice applies to your specific situation, but I really feel you on this freezing thing and what effect it has on your confidence. 

It did helped a little. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one being hindered by the freeze response.

[Joseph Arthur De Gonzo]

It's hard to hit people. I always struggle to hit hard. Even when I am sparring assholes that cause super hard, I find it hard to throw back with the same bad intention. 

I am actually working on been meaner in sparring. Not in a douchy way, but just, not giving a break and say I am sorry every time I clip someone good.

Anyway, one thing that helps. Is before the bell ring, try to take the habbit of like closing your eye, concentrate and decide on your intentions and mood for that round. Don't go chatting, not thinking about what you're about to do as if you were just hanging out with your best budd. Go within yourself, be mindful and punch them in the face. Like yoga, but with blood, sweat and tears....

[Matty]

On 4/27/2022 at 7:41 AM, Joseph Arthur De Gonzo said:

Anyway, one thing that helps. Is before the bell ring, try to take the habbit of like closing your eye, concentrate and decide on your intentions and mood for that round.

I had used setting intentions to get more aggressive in sparring before.  I did it mostly during fight camp because aggression is important for scoring in North America.

One of my intention was "to override" as in to override the opponent's intentions.  I felt more comfortable with this than say, "I'm gonna knock this person out", which is not consistent with my own temperament.

Maybe rephrasing your intention could help you progress.  Instead of "I need to hit hard and hurt them", go with something like "I'm gonna match their energy for this round".

[Joseph Arthur De Gonzo]

7 hours ago, Matty said:

Maybe rephrasing your intention could help you progress.  Instead of "I need to hit hard and hurt them", go with something like "I'm gonna match their energy for this round".

Yes, I try to focus on me rather than my opponent/partner. Like Don't back up, don't let them take a breather if I take the momemtum etc. 

[Nightshade]

I’m a similarly nice person so I get it.  In sparring I don’t like to hit people hard especially to the head.  
 

however I just did a Kyukoshin tournament.  It was my first foray into striking combat sports.  I had no problems hurting someone.  I think you might be a little different the context of an actual match.  I was shocked at just how ok I was with it.