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Help starting over, getting motivated

Lucy
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Lucy Nong

Lucy

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Last week I was banned form my beloved lessons, no reason, honestly no reason I haven't done anything wrong. But after my trainer ( now ex trainer ) had taken my money for my weekly 1-2-1, I got home and received a text saying 'I don't want to train you anymore, and I dont need to explain why' and that was that. I've messaged him a few times almost begging him to say what I've done wrong and he has just ignored it. I've since heard from several of his friends that he has done this before, I'm not the first and I probably won't be the last. This hasn't stopped me from being in tears all week, and spending every waking second wondering what went wrong, what should I of done, why me etc?

Anyway, I know I should find somewhere else to train and show this bloke I'm not giving up, but I just can't get motivated, I want to train and fight, and the times when I should of been at me lesson I just sit at home crying, I don't understand what happened and I can't seem to find the motivation to carry on, I feel like just giving up, I haven't got the energy to find somewhere else, and start over.

I've spent countless hours at stupid o'clock in the dojo trying to improve and all for nothing! What if I join else where and it happens all over again? Even though I don't want to give up, I just can't see the point in carrying on, I can't get motivated to prove him wrong and continue, I just don't understand why me??

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Sylvie von Duuglas-Ittu Fellow Traveler

Sylvie von Duuglas-Ittu

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I'm very sorry to be reading this Lucy, but I'm going to just give it to you straight: your (ex)trainer is an asshole. You did nothing wrong, this is a power trip and the reason for it is his own ego. Trying to wrap your head around it won't do, it's not a rational thing. He's just a dick. And you should get your money back for that lesson if he didn't train you, but if it involves talking to him again then just leave it and consider it the cost of getting out of a toxic relationship that was only going to get worse.

The thing to focus on is sorting your own feelings. Find your confidence and motivation outside of your involvement with him. All the work you did wasn't him doing anything special, it was you. You did all that work. You got better. You worked through frustration and you had great moments. None of that was something he did; that's all what you did. That's yours. You didn't lose time but you did gain strength and perspective if you allow yourself to have some distance and see it that way. Find another space to start working and get to work on the things that make you feel good. I've gotten away from two toxic environments/persons and it's not easy. It feels like shit and it's a blow to your confidence. But given some distance from it, it's like breathing fresh air after having your mouth around an exhaust pipe. You're better off, even though it's a painful experience.

Honestly, fuck that guy.

Last week I was banned form my beloved lessons, no reason, honestly no reason I haven't done anything wrong. But after my trainer ( now ex trainer ) had taken my money for my weekly 1-2-1, I got home and received a text saying 'I don't want to train you anymore, and I dont need to explain why' and that was that. I've messaged him a few times almost begging him to say what I've done wrong and he has just ignored it. I've since heard from several of his friends that he has done this before, I'm not the first and I probably won't be the last. This hasn't stopped me from being in tears all week, and spending every waking second wondering what went wrong, what should I of done, why me etc?
Anyway, I know I should find somewhere else to train and show this bloke I'm not giving up, but I just can't get motivated, I want to train and fight, and the times when I should of been at me lesson I just sit at home crying, I don't understand what happened and I can't seem to find the motivation to carry on, I feel like just giving up, I haven't got the energy to find somewhere else, and start over.
I've spent countless hours at stupid o'clock in the dojo trying to improve and all for nothing! What if I join else where and it happens all over again? Even though I don't want to give up, I just can't see the point in carrying on, I can't get motivated to prove him wrong and continue, I just don't understand why me??

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Lucy Nong

Lucy

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Thank you so much, this is exactly what I needed to hear, you're right I did those things, I learnt, I trained, and I bloody loved it, so I really shouldn't think I've wasted my time, I should be back in a gym doing what I love, and learning from another trainer who will treat me with respect and yes fuck my ex trainer he really is a dick!

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  • 3 weeks later...
Fighting Frog Nong

Fighting Frog

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Get your money back. You're in the UK, you can use the small claims court if necessary because he has taken your money and not provided the service paid for.

The guy doesn't want to train you anymore - ok, fair enough in a way because training is a joint relationship but it would have been courteous of him to explain why (maybe he just felt he wasn't connecting with you) and perhaps put you in contact with another trainer. Crumbs though, you don't want to train with someone who doesn't want to train you, do you?! This guy has done you a favour before you've wasted too much time on him - get out, find a trainer who wants you, and GO FOR IT!!!

Try not to feel down about it, I've been 'dropped' by instructors etc over the years from various activities; sometimes they've said why (examples being: 'I'm not getting through to you, I am the wrong instructor for you, try Fred instead', 'Sorry, you have no ability whatsoever and you are frankly wasting your time'), sometimes they haven't, and they've just refused to make the next appointment. Shrug it off. It isn't personal. Find a new trainer. And use the experience for when the new trainer says 'I want that punch to have more power' and put the guy's face where you want to hit hard!

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  • 1 month later...
Gregor Nong

Gregor

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@ Lucy: I noticed that you automatically assumed that it must somehow be your fault, but it could just as well and probably even more likely be due to e.g. mental health issues of your trainer. And yes, definitely get that money back if he did not provide full services for it.

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