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Hi, Im struggling a lot over self-confidence and being emotional run down. For most parts of my life Im a really self-confident person. I travelled all over the world and never had anyone telling me what I can or can't do. I just went my own way and if things didn't add up any more I quit, moved somewhere else or tried to work it out. It was never in particular running away, but probably a little. When I took up training I did it for the sake of fun, never with the intention to start fighting. I have never been a sporty person in particulary, though I always did all sorts of outdoor sports, Im just too heavy to be athletic by nature. My will to fight changed when I started training in a professional gym n whcih I got pushed hard and I started believing in myself. My coaches would never praise me, but they would train you in a way that you trust yourself. Though I always went through daily emtional highs and lows, usually crying after training coz I felt so bad. However I always felt safe with my coach, if he would say run, I run, if he would say jump out that window I would have jumped, that much I trusted him. After I left that gym I put matters in my own hands, training in different places, training a lot for myself additionally. I felt good and quite self-confident, as long as my fitness was up and running. However lately I started doubting myself again heavily. Last summer I trained with a different coach (due to yet another move) and he is quite technical coming from a boxing background, I was never good enough for anything and it slowly got myself down again. Before entering the ring before a fight he would tell ne how slow I am and that I needed to twist this and that anymore, than I started thinking about it, because I want to please and make it right, thats when I lost. again again, but always in my mind first, because I wanted to get my technique right, he completely tried to changed my fight style. I did take a lot out of it, but it is not the way I fight. It all led to cancelling a fight 2 weeks ago because I didnt get all the training in I wanted, though deep down I know I could have easily stepped into the ring even without having worked on the bags or did any sparring. My fitness was ok and I could have done it. Only my head led me down. After my last loss in February I took up mental training, one Emma recommended in one of her blog posts, but this is a much deeper issue. I always needed someone in my back to trust in me, not to necessarily to tell me, but to cover up my back. I adore people who dont need that, who can just jump into a fight without the preperation Im used to. are there more people out there like this?