Jump to content

training with females versus training with males


Recommended Posts

im not sure if this has been posted before as I'm fairly new to the forum.

id like to hear what people think about the positives/negatives of each of these experiences.

do people think women should train together exclusively or to also train with males? has anybody had difficulties in choosing either partner?

do any males think there are problems training with females?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As a female I've had mixed experiences. I'll just speak about mine the last several years.

 

For padwork, I find I work harder when I'm with the boys as I'm trying to keep up in a sense. I am the oldest on my team by 5-15 years, and I'm also one of the smallest height and weight-wise. On pads they hit harder and faster than the girls, making it harder to hold for them (which I enjoy the challenge). I find the girls tend to talk more, both when holding and when hitting pads. I've had too many rounds where they aren't holding pads up for me because *insert reason they are discussing during the round*. I almost exclusively work with a handful of the boys for padwork at this point.

 

In spar I find guys sometimes treat me with kid gloves. I may be smaller, but we can work at a higher intensity than I feel some are inclined to work at initially. Over time my regular male partners have learned I am not a porcelain unicorn and we have a good rhythm now. I'm not saying we have to smash eachother to have a good round of spar, but if they take too much power and intensity away technique can become sloppy and ineffective. We're training to fight so we shouldn't just go through the motions. The girls almost always go "too hard," but it's a nice balance to the boys. Sadly the girls are far more inconsistent in attending spar so I tend to grab them for more rounds when they are there.

 

I'm the only female who clinches, which given the difference in size and strength between the boys and I, I wish I had at least one girl in the mix. That all said I have tossed some opponents around pretty easily when clinching, so while I may be drowning in training, it's clearly helping me grow.

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've actually been pretty lucky with my female/male teammates. We all come in different height/weight when i'm compared to them because I'm short lol. We've all been equal in terms of sparring, holding pads, and learning from each other. I enjoy sparring with my guys because they go "all-out" and don't get all wishy-washy because i'm a girl - but there's always balance. I find that when I spar with girls, some are timid and some are quite aggressive but we both try to accommodate and try not to overwhelm each other so much, where one gets hurt because they 'hit too hard'

Another note, our gym is in Canada and some of us have a habit of saying "i'm sorry....!" when one of us smoke each other on the face/abs etc, hahaha we laugh it off and luckily we try to get back in the fighting mood. Other than that - so far so good with my gym :)    

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My gym has a lot of females now, I reckon it's around 50:50 most days. The majority have only been around a few months or don't take it super seriously, so when it comes to sparring it's just about gauging where the other person's at and adjusting to their level of skill and intensity. When it comes to padwork, I don't really mind who holds as long as they try. If they can't hold for combinations, I'll just work on speed, technique, etc. I am lucky in that there are at least a handful of women at roughly the same level as me, and many that want to do their first interclubs. 

Naturally, most of the guys do stick together but our coach occasionally tells all of us to find somebody of the opposite sex to spar and clinch with. I enjoy sparring with guys because I feel like some of the emotions that come with sparring women sometimes aren't there (there may have been another thread about this). I think there are a number of guys that avoid going with a female, and that's fine because we have a lot of people to train with.

For me it's important that I train with the guys, not only because there are more skilled guys than women at my gym, but also to show them that women can excel in this sport and they can learn a lot of things from pairing with us too.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

haha i get sick of saying sorry..its also very british of me to do it but i try not to bother. it just comes out :) i went to an all female class tonight ( sort of by accident i got the time wrong) anyway i really enjoyed it for a change as i got two good female partners who were not intimidated by me or telling me not to hit too hard. we all got stuck in and mutual respect won out :) i still prefer a male partner but i am trying to appreciate that if i do ever fight it will be with a female and so ii want to get used to training with them. ii think balance is the thing and will try to train with each genders to keep a grip of it...also attacks outside could be coming from anywhere so perhaps it s good to have awareness of both genders moves. mainly i ve been trying trying to work out is it gender, size, weight, what is it that makes a good balance with a partner. I'm concluding thats its all about experience, that an equally experienced partner is best whatever gender.

I'm glad it's working out for you! Thanks for the appreciation, I respect that! :) All about mutual respect and balance - Keep it up.

 

My gym has a lot of females now, I reckon it's around 50:50 most days. The majority have only been around a few months or don't take it super seriously, so when it comes to sparring it's just about gauging where the other person's at and adjusting to their level of skill and intensity. When it comes to padwork, I don't really mind who holds as long as they try. If they can't hold for combinations, I'll just work on speed, technique, etc. I am lucky in that there are at least a handful of women at roughly the same level as me, and many that want to do their first interclubs. 

Naturally, most of the guys do stick together but our coach occasionally tells all of us to find somebody of the opposite sex to spar and clinch with. I enjoy sparring with guys because I feel like some of the emotions that come with sparring women sometimes aren't there (there may have been another thread about this). I think there are a number of guys that avoid going with a female, and that's fine because we have a lot of people to train with.

For me it's important that I train with the guys, not only because there are more skilled guys than women at my gym, but also to show them that women can excel in this sport and they can learn a lot of things from pairing with us too.

In my gym there's a lot of females that are trying it out (even if its for a day, week or month) and only a few ever go full-time and join the team. Those are the ones who only do it for for fun or for cardio. And when they get a gist of what our classes are like (we do lots of techniques/combo/sparring/etc) they tend to get a bit discouraged because its not what they expected. In North America there are many pop-up gyms that do kickboxing classes as a cardio (like those 30-min-hit) just to burn off fat, more targeted to females who just do it for fun. Not my kind of gig personally, i like competition and the nature of contact sports. Some get really timid or shy because they cannot adjust to our mood/environment. I mean we're all helpful/encouraging and try to help newbies as much as possible. Some are willing to try but unfortunately, some just give up and never come back :'( Its too bad because I'm still searching for the best female partner of the same height (i'm short lol) and skill level.

 

But I know that feeling too - but I'm glad that there's a handful that eventually share the same passion as we all do here. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I could second everything everyone said above.

I started out as the only girl in the gym and it was like that on the most part. Sometimes there would pop up a girl for 2 or 3 months, just to dissappear again. I only met a few girls at interclubs and training camps that had a good technical level and were better than I am. But then again, I am much heavier than them, so it was not like we were equal. I know of two clubs around where I live, where there are really good girls, but it's too far for me to go there.

My "perfect" partner is a guy who's around 15kg lighter than me and has the same experience as I do, but is challenging me at what I'm bad at, and I'm challenging him at what he's bad at. Yeah, I actually have a guy like that in my gym! :) 

Apart from that perfect description, I like to spar with guys who are my height or a few cm shorter, and between 10-20kg lighter than me. Their punches still hurt, but I can try and deal with it.

As for girls, I don't really have much experience with training on an everyday basis with girls. I am the more experienced and bigger one usually. So I end up teaching them and trying to work out at what I can in that situation.

I feel I'm not really welcoming and warm towards the new girls, but they usually come in pairs or groups anyways, so they're not interested in making friends with the odd one out - me. And yeah, they chat a LOT.

I hope training with me has helped the other guys to get used to training with girls, so now that we have a lot of girls they can adjust to them better (it's a 50/50 ratio I'd say).

From my experience, there is a always one restless-type guy, who will get annoyed at having to slow down or soften down for a beginner girl or a guy. I feel he has a right to an attitude like that, too, because it's his time he pulls out of his schedule to spend and train hard at the gym...can't really judge that.

So I think it's best if you can do most of your training with someone on the same level of experience and some percent of it with someone weaker or beginnerish to get a look at things from that perspective. 

I have days when I want to go as hard as I possibly can, and then I'm annoyed at people struggling to hold pads for simple jabs or middle kicks. There are some days though, when I'm the one struggling ;)

Basically, I prefer training with guys, but if there were girls my size and at my level at my gym, I'd like to try training with them and see what kind of emotions we will have to deal with. :)

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I prefer someone my size and skill level over gender. I'm 5'2 and 115 lbs (probably 20-25%BF), so it's rare to find someone my size of either gender at my gym.

I'm about to make a huge generalization, but one of the biggest differences I've noticed between men/women at my gym at the beginner-intermediate level is that women focus a lot of technique but are afraid of their power with new partners, and men are so focused on power over technique. For both genders though, when people start becoming more comfortable with their partners/gym environment, they tend to even it out.

For that reason, I *hate* working with guys who are new to the gym and still trying to prove themselves with power and don't have good technique (and can't seem to implement it after being given instructions... they just hit harder with the same poor technique ugh). I don't mind working with new girls though because they're generally much more open to receiving help or making adjustments. I *love* working with men and women below 5'6 who have been at my gym for >2 months. I will say, there are about the same amount of men below 5'6 as women just because there's way more guys in general, but they're mostly all great and put forth effort (there's a few specific people I still don't like working with for various reasons- too young/small/frail, too aggressive despite being past the typical 2+ month benchmark, too mopey/ doesn't want to be there).

My least favorite thing about working with guys is when they wear long, baggy shorts because it makes it really hard to tell wear their leg is (and most importantly the crotch) for leg kicks. I've come very close to kicking some guys in the nuts because of these stupid, long, baggy shorts.

  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My least favorite thing about working with guys is when they wear long, baggy shorts because it makes it really hard to tell wear their leg is (and most importantly the crotch) for leg kicks. I've come very close to kicking some guys in the nuts because of these stupid, long, baggy shorts.

This is my biggest problem too!! I guess I got quite a good lowkick and I don´t use it as much as I should/could/want to because of this. My absolutely favorite part of sparring with guys though is when I kick a roundkick and they, like, turn their crotch towards the kick or something.

 

In general, I like working with people at the "same" experience level as I am. Like, I am "comfortable" sparring with people from the more experienced group (not exactly comfortable, but at least I´m don´t have to be afraid of beeing kneed full-force in the face in the middle of a technical sparring), but I try to avoid sparring with the new guys, since they really tend to assert their dominance by going too hard and stuff.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tonight i grabbed the first male partner i could see..he was looking a bit lost so i bagged him...it turned out to be his very first night! So i went easy on everything except my kick cos I'm still working on that roundhouse. Anyway it was an experience. I was ok with it cos i had lifted weights and gone swimming earlier and was pretty tired anyway...my coach says to me its not a sprint. Its a marathon. so i can see why at first i was dead keen to see just how hard i could hit everything and now its naturally calmed down and tonight was just hanging in. Its all about experience i suppose i was being greedy for the best experienced fighters to train with and maybe it just goes around...ive also discovered that being whipped with a female's toes is not as gross as being whipped by a males..haha i don't know why...its just euww.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tonight i trained with a youngish lad about 16/7 i think. he was a great partner in that he was strong but not so much as to over power me or overwhelm. we both kept an eye on technique rather than going for power. i was really impressed with his endurance in the combos. i realise that of course not just one partner can teach you everything...im finding that changing partners regularly is keeping it fresh and each has something different to offer..ie in this case i was learning from his ability with breath control and stamina, maintaining a good speed and pace. i would like to think i can offer something in return although I'm not sure what that is yet :) So together with the female partners i trained with earlier in the week i feel its been a good balance. My female partner was very strong with power and challenging in terms of pad work. I'm always wowed by strong power levels even though I'm learning about reducing mine in favour of control of my movements and breathing technique. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm about to make a huge generalization, but one of the biggest differences I've noticed between men/women at my gym at the beginner-intermediate level is that women focus a lot of technique but are afraid of their power with new partners, and men are so focused on power over technique. For both genders though, when people start becoming more comfortable with their partners/gym environment, they tend to even it out.

 

I also noticed that men try to make up for the lack of technique by using power in their moves (also in sparring). Instead of keeping it calm and build a solid base first.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

My least favorite thing about working with guys is when they wear long, baggy shorts because it makes it really hard to tell wear their leg is (and most importantly the crotch) for leg kicks. I've come very close to kicking some guys in the nuts because of these stupid, long, baggy shorts.

Sorry to reduce your great post down to one point, but I totally relate to this. My trainer wears very long, baggy shorts (he's Thai) and I teep him in the cup ALL THE TIME. Good thing he wears one.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm pretty sure the guy i trained with on fri was actually going commando/ loose boxers..eee...i did hit something squishy with a wonky teep which was embarrassing but he got me back with one to the boob later on :D thankfully we were both going at very low power..ive taken the advice and now 'padding out' combos to get accuracy and speed..im even slowing that down as i was landing moves at the right speed but bits of technique were missing trying to keep that speed up...something i wouldn't have known had i not taken the power out...this partner was unique in that he was a male training with no power. he said he saves all his power for the bags.it was still great to train with him as he is tall enough to stretch all my kicks out. i am also more focussed on setting my own practice and not looking for any outside approval of it. at first i was too consumed with the idea that i wanted some approval or encouragement from trainers. my trainer seems to be letting me get on with it which i taking as a good sign. being concerned how my training 'looked' seems a bit ridiculous now and with more control over what i am doing i feel a greater sense of accuracy that feels good. its much better to feel it rather than try and make it 'look' it. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Another note, our gym is in Canada and some of us have a habit of saying "i'm sorry....!" when one of us smoke each other on the face/abs etc, hahaha we laugh it off and luckily we try to get back in the fighting mood. Other than that - so far so good with my gym :)    

I am from Canada too- I find that the guys apologize a lot, both in sparring and if they accidentally hit me when we do drills. I usually just smile and say it's ok. In the rare occasion that I have a girl partner (I'm usually the only girl in my classes), we just go at it normally, no apologies and no worries.

Whereas I do the same when I spar in jiu jitsu (at a different place), because I am fairly new to jiu jitsu and sometimes I am not sure if I'm doing something too hard to my partner. Sometimes I manage to roll out 10 "sorry"s in a 3 minute sparring round... :mellow:

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Our group of people that train together is a very mixed one. Everything from older men to 12-year-olds. I like training with different people, instead of always ending up with the same partner. Training with males does have its advantages, I feel, as there is definitely less talk and more of the real deal :) When clinching I feel really bad for the skinny young girls that must be all bruised up afterwards!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Most Recent Topics

  • Latest Comments

    • One of the most confused aspects of Western genuine interest in Thailand's Muay Thai is the invisibility of its social structure, upon which some of our fondest perceptions and values of it as a "traditional" and respect-driven art are founded. Because it takes passing out of tourist mode to see these things they remain opaque. (One can be in a tourist mode for a very long time in Thailand, enjoying the qualities of is culture as they are directed toward Westerners as part of its economy - an aspect of its centuries old culture of exchange and affinity for international trade and its peoples.). If one does not enter into substantive, stakeholder relations which usually involve fluently learning to speak the language (I have not, but my wife has), these things will remain hidden even to those that know Thailand well. It has been called a "latent caste system". Thailand's is a patronage culture that is quiet strongly hierarchical - often in ways that are unseen to the foreigner in Muay Thai gyms - that carries with it vestigial forms of feudal-like relationships (the Sakdina system) that once involved very widespread slavery, indentured worker ethnicities, classes and networks of debt (both financial and social), much of those power relations now expressed in obligations. Westerners just do not - usually - see this web of shifting high vs low struggles, as we move within the commercial outward-facing layer that floats above it. In terms of Muay Thai, between these two layers - the inward-facing, rich, traditional patronage (though ethically problematic) historical layer AND the capitalist, commerce and exchange-driven, outward-facing layer - have developed fighter contract laws. It's safe to say that before these contract laws, I believe codified in the 1999 Boxing Act due to abuses, these legal powers would have been enforced by custom, its ethical norms and local political powers. There was social law before there was contract law. Aside from these larger societal hierarchies, there is also a history of Muay Thai fighters growing up in kaimuay camps that operate almost as orphanages (without the death of parents), or houses of care for youth into which young fighters are given over, very much like informal adoption. This can be seen in the light of both vestigial Thai social caste & its financial indenture (this is a good lecture on the history of cultures of indentured servitude, family as value & debt ), and the Thai custom of young boys entering a temple to become novice monks, granting spiritual merit to their parents. These camps can be understood as parallel families, with the heads of them seen as a father-like. Young fighters would be raised together, disciplined, given values (ideally, values reflected in Muay Thai itself), such that the larger hierarchies that organize the country are expressed more personally, in forms of obligation and debt placed upon both the raised fighter and also, importantly, the authorities in the gym. One has to be a good parent, a good benefactor, as well as a good son. Thai fighter contract law is meant to at bare bones reflect these deeper social obligations. It's enough to say that these are the social norms that govern Thailand's Muay Thai gyms, as they exist for Thais. And, these norms are difficult to map onto Western sensibilities as we might run into them. We come to Thailand...and to Thailand's gyms almost at the acme of Western freedom. Many come with the liberty of relative wealth, sometimes long term vacationers even with great wealth, entering a (semi) "traditional" culture with extraordinary autonomy. We often have choices outside of those found even in one's native country. Famously, older men find young "hot" girlfriends well beyond their reach. Adults explore projects of masculinity, or self-development not available back home. For many the constrictures of the mores of our own cultures no longer seem to apply. When we go to this Thai gym or that, we are doing so out of an extreme sense of choice. We are variously versions of the "customer". We've learned by rote, "The customer is always right". When people come to Thailand to become a fighter, or an "authentic fighter", the longer they stay and the further they pass toward that (supposed) authenticity, they are entering into an invisible landscape of social attachments, submissions & debts. If you "really want to be 'treated like a Thai', this is a world of acute and quite rigid social hierarchies, one in which the freedom & liberties that may have motivated you are quite alien. What complicates this matter, is that this rigidity is the source of the traditional values which draws so many from around to the world to Thailand in the first place. If you were really "treated like a Thai", perhaps especially as a woman, you would probably find yourself quite disempowered, lacking in choice, and subject only to a hoped-for beneficence from those few you are obligated to and define your horizon of choice. Below is an excerpt from Lynne Miller's Fighting for Success, a book telling of her travails and lessons in owning the Sor. Sumalee Gym as a foreign woman. This passage is the most revealing story I've found about the consequences of these obligations, and their legal form, for the Thai fighter. While extreme in this case, the general form of obligations of what is going on here is omnipresent in Thai gyms...for Thais. It isn't just the contractual bounds, its the hierarchy, obligation, social debt, and family-like authorities upon which the contract law is founded. The story that she tells is of her own frustrations to resolve this matter in a way that seems quite equitable, fair to our sensibilities. Our Western idea of labor and its value. But, what is also occurring here is that, aside from claimed previous failures of care, there was a deep, face-losing breech of obligation when the fighter fled just before a big fight, and that there was no real reasonable financial "repair" for this loss of face. This is because beneath the commerce of fighting is still a very strong hierarchical social form, within which one's aura of authority is always being contested. This is social capital, as Bourdieu would say. Thailand's Muay Thai is a form of social agonism, more than it is even an agonism of the ring. When you understand this, one might come to realize just how much of an anathema it is for middle class or lower-middle class Westerners to come from liberties and ideals of self-empowerment to Thailand to become "just like a Thai fighter". In some ways this would be like dreaming to become a janitor in a business. In some ways it is very much NOT like this as it can be imbued with traditional values...but in terms of social power and the ladder of authorities and how the work of training and fighting is construed, it is like this. This is something that is quite misunderstood. Even when Westerners, increasingly, become padmen in Thai gyms, imagining that they have achieved some kind of authenticity promotion of "coach", it is much more comparable to becoming a low-value (often free) worker, someone who pumps out rounds, not far from someone who sweeps the gym or works horse stables leading horse to pasture...in terms of social worth. When you come to a relatively "Thai" style gym as an adult novice aiming to perhaps become a fighter, you are doing this as a customer attempting to map onto a 10 year old Thai boy beginner who may very well become contractually owned by the gym, and socially obligated to its owner for life. These are very different, almost antithetical worlds. This is the fundamental tension between the beauties of Thai traditional Muay Thai culture, which carry very meaningful values, and its largely invisible, sometimes cruel and uncaring, social constriction. If you don't see the "ladder", and you only see "people", you aren't really seeing Thailand. And, as one might look to unweave the ladder of authorities of constraint, seeking something more flatly equitable and socially mobile (freely selling one's labor on an open market perhaps, defined by choice), we also would risk unweaving the deep-rooted, traditional social bonds that define respect and the person as valued, the bonds between families, allegiance and obligation, which make Thailand more meaningful to the world that visits and cares for it.        
    • He told me he was teaching at a gym in Chong Chom, Surin - which is right next to the Cambodian border.  Or has he decided to make use of the border crossing?  🤔
    • Here is a 6 minute audio wherein a I phrase the argument speaking in terms of Thailand's Muay Femeu and Spinoza's Ethics.    
  • The Latest From Open Topics Forum

    • Hi, this might be out of the normal topic, but I thought you all might be interested in a book-- Children of the Neon Bamboo-- that has a really cool Martial Arts instructor character who set up an early Muy Thai gym south of Miami in the 1980s. He's a really cool character who drives the plot, and there historically accurate allusions to 1980s martial arts culture. However, the main thrust is more about nostalgia and friendships.    Can we do links? Childrenoftheneonbamboo.com Children of the Neon Bamboo: B. Glynn Kimmey: 9798988054115: Amazon.com: Movies & TV      
    • Davince Resolve is a great place to start. 
    • I see that this thread is from three years ago, and I hope your journey with Muay Thai and mental health has evolved positively during this time. It's fascinating to revisit these discussions and reflect on how our understanding of such topics can grow. The connection between training and mental health is intricate, as you've pointed out. Finding the right balance between pushing yourself and self-care is a continuous learning process. If you've been exploring various avenues for managing mood-related issues over these years, you might want to revisit the topic of mental health resources. One such resource is The UK Medical Cannabis Card, which can provide insights into alternative treatments.
    • Phetjeeja fought Anissa Meksen for a ONE FC interim atomweight kickboxing title 12/22/2023. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cu92S6-V5y0&ab_channel=ONEChampionship Fight starts at 45:08 Phetjeeja won on points. Not being able to clinch really handicapped her. I was afraid the ref was going to start deducting points for clinch fouls.   
    • Earlier this year I wrote a couple of sociology essays that dealt directly with Muay Thai, drawing on Sylvie's journalism and discussions on the podcast to do so. I thought I'd put them up here in case they were of any interest, rather than locking them away with the intention to perfectly rewrite them 'some day'. There's not really many novel insights of my own, rather it's more just pulling together existing literature with some of the von Duuglus-Ittu's work, which I think is criminally underutilised in academic discussions of MT. The first, 'Some meanings of muay' was written for an ideology/sosciology of knowledge paper, and is an overly long, somewhat grindy attempt to give a combined historical, institutional, and situated study of major cultural meanings of Muay Thai as a form of strength. The second paper, 'the fighter's heart' was written for a qualitative analysis course, and makes extensive use of interviews and podcast discussions to talk about some ways in which the gendered/sexed body is described/deployed within Muay Thai. There's plenty of issues with both, and they're not what I'd write today, and I'm learning to realise that's fine! some meanings of muay.docx The fighter's heart.docx
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      1.3k
    • Total Posts
      11k
×
×
  • Create New...