Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Initially I was going to simply send Sylvie a question about this since I know she has written about there being tension between her two gyms at times, but figured it might be good for discussion. It feels like the exact same thing but on a smaller scale.

 

I have a trainer at the gym whom I have worked with off and on for about a year now. The first 4-6 months I was training I really tried to get him to work with me but he pretty much always sort of shoved me off on to another trainer. Finally after the 6 month mark he started working with me consistently for about 2 months and then it was just like before. Since then, other trainers have gotten interested and wanted to work with me or have offered me fights. Each time this happens he gets moody, and insists that I am his student. He works with me for a week or two, then it all kind of falls apart again. It hasn't caused any real conflict in the gym, but it has definitely caused tension and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

 

Similar situations to this have happened prob 4-5 times now, but here is an example from last week:

 

I had been off training for a couple weeks because of a broken toe. Come back to train but was only doing boxing since my toe still hurts quite a bit and feels weak. We have a trainer who is incredibly good at boxing and has shown a lot of interest in training me as well as asking me to fight on the Queen's Birthday. I did padwork with him for two days, then the third day the other trainer I had worked with in the past insisted I come do pad work with him. He was very loud and adamant about it. We still only worked boxing, but throughout the session kept looking at the boxing trainer to see if he was watching. It very much felt possessive/aggressive and as if he were making a show of it.

 

It is just small stuff, and honestly I'm not too worried about it. Just wondering if anyone else has had similar problems and how they dealt with it.

 

Edit: It should be noted that I routinely train with different trainers almost every couple of days to switch things up; but this kind of behavior only occurs when we have a newer trainer who really tries to put in effort to work with me.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Initially I was going to simply send Sylvie a question about this since I know she has written about there being tension between her two gyms at times, but figured it might be good for discussion. It feels like the exact same thing but on a smaller scale.

 

Wow great topic. This is such a big one, and so hard to negotiate. Hopefully Sylvie jumps in, but these are my thoughts based on what I witnessed, and a little how we tried to use these kinds of internal politics to our advantage. At the heart of it though is that there are two "gyms" in Thailand, when farang are a focus. There is the "Thai" gym where questions of hierarchy and respect are central, and there is the commercial "farang" gym which operates as a business, with money paid and services given. Westerners tend to live in the commercial gym, in terms of expectation, but the trainers actually live in the Thai gym. And when you stay long enough as a farang you come to realize that you are in both gyms. At Lanna Sylvie was originally "given" to a particular trainer, one who usually trained women (for obvious reasons - loved women, didn't want to work hard). Pretty much a bad match for Sylvie, though technically very sound. It took her a while to work her way off of this trainer. Once she did this she became basically the student of Den, the head trainer, who was excellent, but who also got frustrated with Sylvie (not fighting how she trained, etc). This resulted in Sylvie trying to get supplementary training from Daeng (a very fight oriented trainer) and also boxing training from Neung (a socially "low" trainer who happened also to be a former WBC western boxing champion, in private lessons). So, so complicated. It was a daily ballroom dance trying to keep all these trainers feeling good about the work that was happening. Luckily Lanna trainers were not very competitive, and generally got along. They even collaborated on how to bring out better performance, but it doesn't mean that there were not question of face saving all the time. Sylvie did great in a fight, who gets credit? Sylvie did bad in a fight, whose fault is it? There was always a push and pull. I think Sylvie did best when, aware of it all, did what she could to make sure she connected to whichever trainer was being left out at any one period of time. She kind of had 3 at a time. As long as she kept everyone involved, asking for padwork (not easy for her, she's quiet) from particular trainers, or asking for technical advice, it seemed pretty good. Also when winning fights it helped. Complicating to all this was that she was paying one for private lessons. Add money to any "respect" issue and it really is too much. I think in the end that fact that Sylvie felt loyal and genuinely cared for all 3 trainers, and worked her butt off trying to adopt what each was teaching, made everything okay.

At her current gyms it works the same way, across gyms. O. Meekhun is the most sensitive. If you don't win, or if it feels like Petchrungruang is getting too much credit they can really sour on the relationship. They are the small gym. It's really about going out of your way to pay respect to whomever feels like they might be offended, constantly working to repair relationships that become eroded. As much as it would be great if "commercial" gym Muay Thai mapped perfectly onto traditional Thai relationships, it really seldom does. Money and monetary exchange mean very different things to the west and in traditional Thailand. In fact in many ways they mean the opposite. In the west if you give money to someone in exchange for something it basically means: We are even, I don't owe you anything. In Thailand it means: I'm invested in you, our bonds should grow more dependent (and hierarchical) - we owe each other.

  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Edit: It should be noted that I routinely train with different trainers almost every couple of days to switch things up; but this kind of behavior only occurs when we have a newer trainer who really tries to put in effort to work with me.

I'm happy you brought this question here! I'm interested to see what other people bring up.

Yeah, what Kevin wrote covers a lot of what I initially thought when reading your post. Mostly in terms of the hierarchies of gyms. We don't "see" a lot of that because we're literally socially blind to it, but it's super deeply ingrained. We had one trainer who would just do the weirdest things at Lanna, making everyone laugh at him on the sly, but they never said anything to him because he's older. You just CAN'T say anything because he's older, even though his rank at the gym was pretty low otherwise. Can you imagine in the west your boss not being able to say anything to one of his employees because that employee is older?

But then there's the struggle between your two trainers because their social ranks aren't so clear-cut. I sympathize with you because when one trainer is flaking out, it feels quite natural to gravitate toward someone else who is showing interest. The difficulty is that it's totally normal for everyone to cycle up and down in their energy, interest, focus, etc. We, as fighters, do it also. I have days when I'm just not focused and my trainer still works with me, but from my own perspective if he's having an "off day" it feels like personal disinterest... which isn't really fair.

I don't know that in Thailand you can really level out this issue. You can't smooth it over by demonstrating equal interest, which is what I think our western culture tends toward. In the end their tension is beyond you, so there's not a lot you can do about it. Be Thai about it and ignore it, smile, pretend it's not happening and be respectful and friendly to both trainers, regardless of who you're working with. You're simply not going to get a trainer who is 100% focused and invested 100% of the time - this is the "way of life" world of Muay Thai and on a long enough time line those hills and valleys kind of flatten out. But if one trainer is more invested or more focused, go ahead and gravitate toward that... just know it will go through the same cycle. Same with fighters - you see how trainers respond when fighters fuck off for days or weeks at a time. You just let them cycle out and reward them when they cycle back in.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hahaha "be Thai about it" is great advice. I think I am managing it pretty well. I have been essentially outwardly ignoring it, but doing as Kevin said and maintaining connections/relationships. It is definitely something I wouldn't have noticed had I not been here awhile. I think a lot of it has to do with the internal hierarchy and specifically with the primary trainer being the most senior here and the other trainers being new to the gym. Very interesting to see the dynamics of it all for sure. I appreciate the input from both of you, hopefully some other folks will chime in as well. Surely this must happen in gyms outside of Thailand!

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My situation is completely different than yours, Tyler, as I train at two different gyms with two different trainers who don't come in contact with each other. Although I know that my trainers both know/had known each other, but I'm not quite sure as what the circumstances were - I only know they both trained at the same gym at some point in their life (like, 10 years ago or even more?), but their career paths went waaaay different. Both have a strong opinion about the other one and both also kind of look down on the other one. Both know I train at two gyms with the other trainer ;)

So....I try not to mention what I did in training with the other one. It's hard sometimes, when I had a great training at one gym and want to talk about this great feeling or techniques, but...I can't/shouldn't.

I still try to work out a balance... it's tricky. This situation is still kind of new to me - like, 3-4 months old, so for now I stick to observing if my training changes anyhow. For now it hasn't, so it's okay. 

I still feel like I'm "betraying" my trainer with whom I've trained for the last year and a half, even though I get the vibe from him (or it's just my wishful thinking) that he accepts my need to learn the Muay Thai I want to learn, even if it's learning from another trainer. (the longer I think about it, the more I think it's my wishful thinking).

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Im back haha not been on in ages and good topic so i tell ya with me it was extreme without me even knowing for ages!!!

I trained with the older pad man of the gym who is awesome etc but on days where he wasnt there or say the gym was busy etc as i was a long term foreigner id sometimes go last on pads but i could never understand that non of the other pad men would ask me to go with them! Even if they were free they wouldn't and i was kinda like wtf like im good! Im stronger than most of the guys here whats the problem???

 

Turns out they were scared to hold for me cos my trainer would give out to them or shout out in the middle of my pads what to do and how to hold for me so i was like aaahhh ok!! I ended up asking to change to a different trainer eventually and after that id go with different ones

 

But they get very personal about it id make jokes with him keep it light but again i dunno how but ive always been able to talk straight with my trainers if they were acting the maggot or giving me half arsed pads id be like eeh i have fight i want serious ok!! And it be grand

 

Now im in a new gym so im probably going to go through all different experiences but so far my trainer is cool (mad as a brush) but cool

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My situation is completely different than yours, Tyler, as I train at two different gyms with two different trainers who don't come in contact with each other. Although I know that my trainers both know/had known each other, but I'm not quite sure as what the circumstances were - I only know they both trained at the same gym at some point in their life (like, 10 years ago or even more?), but their career paths went waaaay different. Both have a strong opinion about the other one and both also kind of look down on the other one. Both know I train at two gyms with the other trainer ;)

So....I try not to mention what I did in training with the other one. It's hard sometimes, when I had a great training at one gym and want to talk about this great feeling or techniques, but...I can't/shouldn't.

I still try to work out a balance... it's tricky. This situation is still kind of new to me - like, 3-4 months old, so for now I stick to observing if my training changes anyhow. For now it hasn't, so it's okay. 

I still feel like I'm "betraying" my trainer with whom I've trained for the last year and a half, even though I get the vibe from him (or it's just my wishful thinking) that he accepts my need to learn the Muay Thai I want to learn, even if it's learning from another trainer. (the longer I think about it, the more I think it's my wishful thinking).

I've likened my experience with this kind of thing as being like having a wife and a mistress. They know about each other, but you'd better not f***ing talk about each of them to the other one!

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Im back haha not been on in ages and good topic so i tell ya with me it was extreme without me even knowing for ages!!!

I trained with the older pad man of the gym who is awesome etc but on days where he wasnt there or say the gym was busy etc as i was a long term foreigner id sometimes go last on pads but i could never understand that non of the other pad men would ask me to go with them! Even if they were free they wouldn't and i was kinda like wtf like im good! Im stronger than most of the guys here whats the problem???

 

Turns out they were scared to hold for me cos my trainer would give out to them or shout out in the middle of my pads what to do and how to hold for me so i was like aaahhh ok!! I ended up asking to change to a different trainer eventually and after that id go with different ones

 

But they get very personal about it id make jokes with him keep it light but again i dunno how but ive always been able to talk straight with my trainers if they were acting the maggot or giving me half arsed pads id be like eeh i have fight i want serious ok!! And it be grand

 

Now im in a new gym so im probably going to go through all different experiences but so far my trainer is cool (mad as a brush) but cool

The trainer being assigned or kind of having ownership over a fighter is the norm, I think. It just sucks when you're stuck with a shitty trainer, or one that just doesn't go well for you personally. I was stuck with a real pain in the ass for probably 7 months at my old gym. He would have days when he just couldn't be bothered and it drove me nuts, but nobody else would touch me. In those cases, being pushy and getting more trainers to work with you or get that possessiveness in check is such a relief. I'm excited to see how your training pans out at Eminent Air, Kelly. Your updates so far have been great :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've likened my experience with this kind of thing as being like having a wife and a mistress. They know about each other, but you'd better not f***ing talk about each of them to the other one!

That's the picture! But uh, it's hard to maintain the balance with TRAINERS...I don't know how people manage with actual mistresses... O.o 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

something similar happened to me when I came back to my gym in Italy after 3 months in Thailand. I was really, really improved, but my boxing worsened a little bit. so my trainer told they rouined me, they made me slow and with an opened stance.. however in a couple of weeks my boxing was good again plus all the other improvements so I felt great but he started to be possessive... "you are my creation" he proudly told me... then I had a fight and I lost.... "they ruined you in thailand!!!" he told... I changed gym......

I think that fighters give too many credits to trainers or gyms... who are the best fighters? Buakaw, Yodsaenklai, Floyd Mayweather, Ronda Rousey,  not "buakaw because that trainer of por pramuk gym trained him everyday" or "Uncle Roger and Floyd Mayweather sr. that built up Floyd jr." etc... Muay Thai is an individual sport, everything that happens in the ring is your responsibility and/or your credit... You have to give respect and gratitude to your trainer but if you win a belt, the belt is yours.... plus, in the majority of cases you pay money for your training. If you train hard with all your trainers and give them respect, they will train you properly.. if they are in conflict is not your business.... =) 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Most Recent Topics

  • Latest Comments

    • One of the most confused aspects of Western genuine interest in Thailand's Muay Thai is the invisibility of its social structure, upon which some of our fondest perceptions and values of it as a "traditional" and respect-driven art are founded. Because it takes passing out of tourist mode to see these things they remain opaque. (One can be in a tourist mode for a very long time in Thailand, enjoying the qualities of is culture as they are directed toward Westerners as part of its economy - an aspect of its centuries old culture of exchange and affinity for international trade and its peoples.). If one does not enter into substantive, stakeholder relations which usually involve fluently learning to speak the language (I have not, but my wife has), these things will remain hidden even to those that know Thailand well. It has been called, perhaps incorrectly, a "latent caste system". Thailand's is a patronage culture that is quiet strongly hierarchical - often in ways that are unseen to the foreigner in Muay Thai gyms - that carries with it vestigial forms of feudal-like relationships (the Sakdina system) that once involved very widespread slavery, indentured worker ethnicities, classes and networks of debt (both financial and social), much of those power relations now expressed in obligations. Westerners just do not - usually - see this web of shifting high vs low struggles, as we move within the commercial outward-facing layer that floats above it. In terms of Muay Thai, between these two layers - the inward-facing, rich, traditional patronage (though ethically problematic) historical layer AND the capitalist, commerce and exchange-driven, outward-facing layer - have developed fighter contract laws. It's safe to say that before these contract laws, I believe codified in the 1999 Boxing Act due to abuses, these legal powers would have been enforced by custom, its ethical norms and local political powers. There was social law before there was contract law. Aside from these larger societal hierarchies, there is also a history of Muay Thai fighters growing up in kaimuay camps that operate almost as orphanages (without the death of parents), or houses of care for youth into which young fighters are given over, very much like informal adoption. This can be seen in the light of both vestigial Thai social caste & its financial indenture (this is a good lecture on the history of cultures of indentured servitude, family as value & debt ), and the Thai custom of young boys entering a temple to become novice monks, granting spiritual merit to their parents. These camps can be understood as parallel families, with the heads of them seen as a father-like. Young fighters would be raised together, disciplined, given values (ideally, values reflected in Muay Thai itself), such that the larger hierarchies that organize the country are expressed more personally, in forms of obligation and debt placed upon both the raised fighter and also, importantly, the authorities in the gym. One has to be a good parent, a good benefactor, as well as a good son. Thai fighter contract law is meant to at bare bones reflect these deeper social obligations. It's enough to say that these are the social norms that govern Thailand's Muay Thai gyms, as they exist for Thais. And, these norms are difficult to map onto Western sensibilities as we might run into them. We come to Thailand...and to Thailand's gyms almost at the acme of Western freedom. Many come with the liberty of relative wealth, sometimes long term vacationers even with great wealth, entering a (semi) "traditional" culture with extraordinary autonomy. We often have choices outside of those found even in one's native country. Famously, older men find young, hot "pseudo-relationship" girlfriends well beyond their reach. Adults explore projects of masculinity, or self-development not available back home. For many the constrictures of the mores of their own cultures no longer seem to apply. When we go to this Thai gym or that, we are doing so out of an extreme sense of choice. We are variously versions of the "customer". We've learned by rote, "The customer is always right". When people come to Thailand to become a fighter, or an "authentic fighter", the longer they stay and the further they pass toward that (supposed) authenticity, they are entering into an invisible landscape of social attachments, submissions & debts. If you "really want to be 'treated like a Thai', this is a world of acute and quite rigid social hierarchies, one in which the freedom & liberties that may have motivated you are quite alien. What complicates this matter, is that this rigidity is the source of the traditional values which draws so many from around to the world to Thailand in the first place. If you were really "treated like a Thai", perhaps especially as a woman, you would probably find yourself quite disempowered, lacking in choice, and subject only to a hoped-for beneficence from those few you are obligated to and define your horizon of choice. Below is an excerpt from Lynne Miller's Fighting for Success, a book telling of her travails and lessons in owning the Sor. Sumalee Gym as a foreign woman. This passage is the most revealing story I've found about the consequences of these obligations, and their legal form, for the Thai fighter. While extreme in this case, the general form of obligations of what is going on here is omnipresent in Thai gyms...for Thais. It isn't just the contractual bounds, its the hierarchy, obligation, social debt, and family-like authorities upon which the contract law is founded. The story that she tells is of her own frustrations to resolve this matter in a way that seems quite equitable, fair to our sensibilities. Our Western idea of labor and its value. But, what is also occurring here is that, aside from claimed previous failures of care, there was a deep, face-losing breech of obligation when the fighter fled just before a big fight, and that there was no real reasonable financial "repair" for this loss of face. This is because beneath the commerce of fighting is still a very strong hierarchical social form, within which one's aura of authority is always being contested. This is social capital, as Bourdieu would say. It's a different economy. Thailand's Muay Thai is a form of social agonism, more than it is even an agonism of the ring. When you understand this, one might come to realize just how much of an anathema it is for middle class or lower-middle class Westerners to come from liberties and ideals of self-empowerment to Thailand to become "just like a Thai fighter". In some ways this would be like dreaming to become a janitor in a business. In some ways it is very much NOT like this as it can be imbued with traditional values...but in terms of social power and the ladder of authorities and how the work of training and fighting is construed, it is like this. This is something that is quite misunderstood. Even when Westerners, increasingly, become padmen in Thai gyms, imagining that they have achieved some kind of authenticity promotion of "coach", it is much more comparable to becoming a low-value (often free) worker, someone who pumps out rounds, not far from someone who sweeps the gym or works horse stables leading horse to pasture...in terms of social worth. When you come to a relatively "Thai" style gym as an adult novice aiming to perhaps become a fighter, you are doing this as a customer attempting to map onto a 10 year old Thai boy beginner who may very well become contractually owned by the gym, and socially obligated to its owner for life. These are very different, almost antithetical worlds. This is the fundamental tension between the beauties of Thai traditional Muay Thai culture, which carry very meaningful values, and its largely invisible, sometimes cruel and uncaring, social constriction. If you don't see the "ladder", and you only see "people", you aren't really seeing Thailand.        
    • He told me he was teaching at a gym in Chong Chom, Surin - which is right next to the Cambodian border.  Or has he decided to make use of the border crossing?  🤔
    • Here is a 6 minute audio wherein a I phrase the argument speaking in terms of Thailand's Muay Femeu and Spinoza's Ethics.    
  • The Latest From Open Topics Forum

    • Hi, this might be out of the normal topic, but I thought you all might be interested in a book-- Children of the Neon Bamboo-- that has a really cool Martial Arts instructor character who set up an early Muy Thai gym south of Miami in the 1980s. He's a really cool character who drives the plot, and there historically accurate allusions to 1980s martial arts culture. However, the main thrust is more about nostalgia and friendships.    Can we do links? Childrenoftheneonbamboo.com Children of the Neon Bamboo: B. Glynn Kimmey: 9798988054115: Amazon.com: Movies & TV      
    • Davince Resolve is a great place to start. 
    • I see that this thread is from three years ago, and I hope your journey with Muay Thai and mental health has evolved positively during this time. It's fascinating to revisit these discussions and reflect on how our understanding of such topics can grow. The connection between training and mental health is intricate, as you've pointed out. Finding the right balance between pushing yourself and self-care is a continuous learning process. If you've been exploring various avenues for managing mood-related issues over these years, you might want to revisit the topic of mental health resources. One such resource is The UK Medical Cannabis Card, which can provide insights into alternative treatments.
    • Phetjeeja fought Anissa Meksen for a ONE FC interim atomweight kickboxing title 12/22/2023. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cu92S6-V5y0&ab_channel=ONEChampionship Fight starts at 45:08 Phetjeeja won on points. Not being able to clinch really handicapped her. I was afraid the ref was going to start deducting points for clinch fouls.   
    • Earlier this year I wrote a couple of sociology essays that dealt directly with Muay Thai, drawing on Sylvie's journalism and discussions on the podcast to do so. I thought I'd put them up here in case they were of any interest, rather than locking them away with the intention to perfectly rewrite them 'some day'. There's not really many novel insights of my own, rather it's more just pulling together existing literature with some of the von Duuglus-Ittu's work, which I think is criminally underutilised in academic discussions of MT. The first, 'Some meanings of muay' was written for an ideology/sosciology of knowledge paper, and is an overly long, somewhat grindy attempt to give a combined historical, institutional, and situated study of major cultural meanings of Muay Thai as a form of strength. The second paper, 'the fighter's heart' was written for a qualitative analysis course, and makes extensive use of interviews and podcast discussions to talk about some ways in which the gendered/sexed body is described/deployed within Muay Thai. There's plenty of issues with both, and they're not what I'd write today, and I'm learning to realise that's fine! some meanings of muay.docx The fighter's heart.docx
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      1.3k
    • Total Posts
      11k
×
×
  • Create New...