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threeoaks

Coach blind spot/men your perspective is welcome.

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Honestly this is just a bitch session.  I have two gyms, one of them no one on this forum would know, so I feel safe griping (it’s a different martial art).  The most advanced current student is throwing herself at the instructor, madly, irritatingly, obsessively.  (Both married).  I have no idea what is happening between them, likely nothing, but he’s just given her a huge amount of responsibility to run the school while he is away this week.   I’m going full time to my other gym & training myself instead.  This is not out of moral outrage; I’m no angel.  It’s because in the course of sucking up his attention she routinely, compulsively throws other people under the bus which he seems to find appealing & funny.  She’s also an impatient & selfish partner with zero teaching skills.  I have so much respect for this instructor, but I’m losing it now.   Men, can you not see this typically female behavior?  Is this a real blind spot?  For myself, I’ll just train til I’m as good as her then make her pay #motivation lol.

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One guess is he likes it. It makes him feel good.  (Her throwing herself at him)

 

I find myself turned off and disgusted by her always throwing people under the bus  and him being amused.  Yuck. If you feel good about yourself you don’t need to do that. Plus martial arts is supposed to be focused on respect but ... 🙄

I like your attitude about just training harder! 😊

 

 

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On 11/3/2019 at 8:05 PM, threeoaks said:

She’s also an impatient & selfish partner with zero teaching skills.  I have so much respect for this instructor, but I’m losing it now.   Men, can you not see this typically female behavior?  Is this a real blind spot?  For myself, I’ll just train til I’m as good as her then make her pay #motivation lol.

It's interesting you call this "typically female behavior" but accepting the ego stroke by your coach isn't similarly called "typically male behavior." I'd call it that.

Sorry you're dealing with an annoying situation and dynamic. Smart to just get away form it but shitty that you have to miss training due to it. 

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On 11/3/2019 at 8:05 PM, threeoaks said:

Honestly this is just a bitch session.  I have two gyms, one of them no one on this forum would know, so I feel safe griping (it’s a different martial art).  The most advanced current student is throwing herself at the instructor, madly, irritatingly, obsessively.  (Both married).  I have no idea what is happening between them, likely nothing, but he’s just given her a huge amount of responsibility to run the school while he is away this week.   I’m going full time to my other gym & training myself instead.  This is not out of moral outrage; I’m no angel.  It’s because in the course of sucking up his attention she routinely, compulsively throws other people under the bus which he seems to find appealing & funny.  She’s also an impatient & selfish partner with zero teaching skills.  I have so much respect for this instructor, but I’m losing it now.   Men, can you not see this typically female behavior?  Is this a real blind spot?  For myself, I’ll just train til I’m as good as her then make her pay #motivation lol.

There will always be assholes to avoid in a gym. No matter her behavior, it is the responsibility of the coach to manage this so it doesn't affect the class. Perhaps you can talk to other students to see if others feel the same and if yes, talk to the coach?

It is really annoying to see female peers using their looks or sexual power to get attention from the trainers. It feels like they're cheating or using short-cuts. And it affects every female student if teachers stop seeing them as students and instead as objects for their sexual desires and means to get some ego massage. 

But I can understand it. It's not easy being taken seriously and flirting is a handy strategy. Or taking the role of daughter/female protege or whatever.

But it's their choice and the responsibility of the coach to manage depending on his level of professionalism 

You will just waste precious energy and focus to get upset about her. 

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9 hours ago, LengLeng said:

It feels like they're cheating or using short-cuts.

Yeah true. Maybe though, karma will reward you and others more in the long run for not using that short cut. Different, but slightly similar issue - at least 3 current champions come to mind who have also talked about being more motivated to improve early on because a minority or even one person got all trainer attention and time.

Sucks though.

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On 11/6/2019 at 8:48 AM, Sylvie von Duuglas-Ittu said:

It's interesting you call this "typically female behavior" but accepting the ego stroke by your coach isn't similarly called "typically male behavior." I'd call it that.

 

Good point for sure!

its only typical behavior for a certain type of female. Definitely not typical of all females or even most. Just ‘some’

(I sort of suspect three oak may agree. But she was just pissed and spewing as she vent posted!) 

Yeah, all men aren’t like they either, luckily. 

 

 

 

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On 11/6/2019 at 8:48 AM, Sylvie von Duuglas-Ittu said:

It's interesting you call this "typically female behavior" but accepting the ego stroke by your coach isn't similarly called "typically male behavior." I'd call it that.

Sorry you're dealing with an annoying situation and dynamic. Smart to just get away form it but shitty that you have to miss training due to it. 

So true about the typically male behaviour.  I guess I was trying to throw it open like, "do you even know you do this sh*t" but was too coy.  You are right.

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On 11/7/2019 at 12:37 PM, MadelineGrace said:

 

Good point for sure!

its only typical behavior for a certain type of female. Definitely not typical of all females or even most. Just ‘some’

(I sort of suspect three oak may agree. But she was just pissed and spewing as she vent posted!) 

Yeah, all men aren’t like they either, luckily. 

 

 

 

Yeah I was spewing.  Thanks for putting up with it.  I am loath to write "typically female behavior".  But I did.  That's what happens when I spew.  Thanks for understanding.

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On 11/7/2019 at 12:08 AM, LengLeng said:

 

You will just waste precious energy and focus to get upset about her. 

Absolutely.  I refocused but appreciated the chance to rant.  Won't probably do it again because I intend to detach and train.

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On 11/7/2019 at 10:07 AM, Oliver said:

at least 3 current champions come to mind who have also talked about being more motivated to improve early on because a minority or even one person got all trainer attention and time.

 

Best way to respond.  Thanks for the ideal.

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On 11/9/2019 at 7:51 AM, Oliver said:

So what ya gonna do?

Sugar in her gas tank would probably work, tried and tested method.

Then again, if her car doesn't start she might have to get a ride home from the trainer. Prob not what you want 

Going to be athletic about my eye rolling for both of them, coach and acolyte.  We’re talking not even a flash of iris showing, just completely white eyes 👊🏽

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